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Hi I just want to take a minute to let you know there will be some changes in the very near future to the Keep Smiling Website and to the Newsletter. Like the
No one needs a smile as much as someone who has none left to give.
So if you meet someone like that, leave him one of yours.
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
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The Reply:
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Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Wormhole to the Rest of the Internet
A warning to the wives of baseball players:
No matter HOW ANGRY your husband makes you...
Never slap the face of a man chewing tobacco!
Who cares...
50,000 of the cells in your body will die and be replaced with new cells, all while you have been reading this sentence!
In one hour, your heart works hard enough to produce the equivalent energy to raise almost 1 ton of weight 1 yard off the ground.
Scientists have counted over 500 different liver functions.
The structural plan of a whale's, a dog's, a bird's and a man's 'arm' are exactly the same.
The world`s first test-tube twins were born in June 1981.
Each square inch of human skin consists of twenty feet of blood vessels.
Nerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles per hour.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
Your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room for your heart.
Every two thousand frowns creates one wrinkle.
The average human blinks his eyes 6,205,000 times each year.
The average human produces a quart of saliva a day or 10,000 gallons in a lifetime.
Every person has a unique tongue print.
You burn 26 calories in a one minute kiss.
Among the first known "dentists" of the world were the Etruscans. In 700 BC they carved false teeth from the teeth of various mammals and produced partial bridgework good enough to eat with. Ophthalmic surgery was one of the most advanced areas of medicine in the ancient world. Detailed descriptions of delicate cataract surgery with sophisticated needle syringes is contained in the medical writings of Celsus (A.D. 14-37)
A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.
If you were freeze-dried, 10% of your body weight would be from the microorganisms on your body.
Your ears and nose continue to grow throughout your entire life.
When you eat meat and drink milk in the same meal, your body does not absorb any of the milk's calcium. It is best to have 2 hours between the milk and meat intake.
The tooth is the only part of the human body that can't repair itself.
What do you get when you cross Mexico with Texas?
Oil of Ole.
If I could give you one thing,
I would give you the ability to see
yourself as others see you.....
then you would realize what
a truly special person you are.
~unknown~
Little Johnny
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny a child in the Kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, Johnny what is the matter?
Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him. "Yes," she replied readily. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all."
The Psychiatric Hotline.
Ring, Ring.......
Click.
"Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline,"
"If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly."
"If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2."
"If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5, and 6."
"If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just
stay on the line so we can trace the call."
"If you are Schizophrenic, Listen carefully and a little voice will tell you
which number to press."
"If you are Manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no
one will answer."
"If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that
the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite
off your ear."
"Thank you for phoning the Psychiatric Hotline."
Remember it is time to check Value Page
and while you are doing it check Cool Savings
and here is a freebie for you >>>>> Keep Smiling Get It For Free Stuff
The Cowboy
The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theatre.
When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The cowboy groaned but didn't budge.
The usher become more impatient.
"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right, buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the cowboy moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied, "the balcony."
O'siyo My Friends
SIGNS YOU HAVE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 90s
1. Your daughter sells Girl Scout cookies via her web site
2. When every commercial on television has a website
address at the bottom of the screen.
3. You cannot remember when the only choices you
had in coffee were regular and decaf
4. You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner
is ready and he emails you back "What's for dinner."
5. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3
6. You own a sport utility vehicle and you live where
it doesn't even snow
7. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.
8. The concept of using real money, instead of credit
or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.
9. You can't change your hairstyle until your
favorite television personality does.
10. On Friday you know there are only two working days
left until Monday.
11 You have to go back to the office to finish
working after your OWN holiday party
http://www.hubick.com/software/DZ/DigZone.htm
GARDEN OF EDEN
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a
problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and
all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm
just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?", comes the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a 'man,' Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an
enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly.
All in all he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger and faster
and more muscular than you, he'll be really good at fighting and kicking
a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad.
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
But you can have him, only on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
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POSTER |
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The Boss
The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he
said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off
in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales
position, and one month after that you were promoted to district
manager of the sales department. Just four short months later,
you were promoted to vice- chairman. Now it's time for me to
retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you
say to that?"
"Thanks," said the employee.
"Thanks?" the boss replied.a "Is that all you can say?"
"I suppose not," the employee said. "Thanks, Dad."
Hail Damage
A blond left her car out in a hail storm. When the storm was over she checked
the car and found out it was covered with small dents. She went to the local
garage and inquired how to fix the problem. The mechanic told her to blow on
the tailpipe and the dents would be removed.
She took the car home parked it and proceeded to blow on the pipe. Another
blond came by and inquired what she was doing, she told her she was blowing on
the tailpipe to remove the dents. The other blond responded, "that's not
going to work unless you roll up the windows."
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