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From The editor's desk:
I want to take just a moment to thank everyone that has helped spread the word about the "Erica Baker" story. As you have seen on the TV News across the nation that this story is very real. This story was also featured on "America's Most Wanted " on Saturday February 13, 1999. Since Keep Smiling had issued the Alert to you there has been many more webpages put up that will keep you informed and upto date. Here are a few links that will take you to other links so you can learn the whole story.
Find Erica Baker | More about Erica Baker | Active Dayton |
All children need to be prepared
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http://www.ionet.net/%7Edgordons/nightsky.htm
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Mailing Valentine cards
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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Discovery Online, Discovery News
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Graffiti in Los Angeles:
"I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck."
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Wash. Biol. Surv.
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metalbands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated:
Wash. Biol. Surv.
until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:
"Dear Sirs:
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."
The bands are now marked "Fish and Wildlife Service".
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click on the picture
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A newspaper editor announces that there's enough money in the budget to install a newsroom chandelier. The reporters huddle and send a spokesman to say they're against it.
"Against it? Why?" the editor asks.
"First," the reporter says, "no one on the staff can spell 'chandelier' well enough to put it on an order form. Second, I don't believe that anybody here can play one if we had it. And third, if you got that much money, we think you should get a hanging light instead, to brighten up the office!"
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Flight Tracking, Arrival and Departure Times
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All I Need To Know About Life,
I Learned From My Dog
1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
2. When it comes to having something, if at first you don't succeed, beg.
3. Don't go out without I.D.
4. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.
5. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
6. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
7. Always give people a friendly greeting, a cold nose in the crotch is effective.
8. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged out from under the bed).
9. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.
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Valentine Smiles from Kathy
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Definitions
BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
GOSSIP:
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
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Little Johnny
Little Johnny: "Mom that bike is just the one I want for my birthday. Please get it for me."
Mom: "I don't know you haven't been good lately."
Little Johnny: "Puhleeze, puhleeze Mom it's the only thing I want in this whole world."
Mom: Y"ou've really been bad lately. I have to think about this first."
Little Johnny: "Mom how do you know when I'm bad?"
Mom: "Jesus tells me."
Johnny runs to his bedroom and kneels to pray: "Jesus, I will be good for a whole month if you get me that bike."
But thinks, 'Hmmm...I'll never make it for that long.'
Johnny: Jesus, I'll be good for a whole week if you get me the bike
'Hmmmmm... that's too long too I'll never make it.
Johnny: "Jesus, get me the bike I'll be good for a whole day."
'Hmmmmmm... can't do that either.'
Little Johnny then runs to his mother's room and gets statue of Virgin Mary - empties toy box puts statue in center of box and repacks toys around it -- closes the Toy box.
He kneels near bed and says "Jesus, if you ever want to see your Mother again you'll get me that bike.
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Got it All Worked Out
A Businessman taking a seminar on efficiency completed a case study of his wife's routine for fixing breakfast, and presented the results to the class.
"After a few days of observation, I quickly determined the practices that were robbing her of precious time and energy,"
the man reported. "taking note of how many trips she made to the kitchen to the dining room carrying just one item, I suggested that in the future she carry several items at a time."
"Did it work?" the teacher asked.
"It sure did," replied the businessman. "Instead of taking her 20 minutes to fix my breakfast, it now take ME just seven."
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click on the picture
Swingin' on a Star
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Hit by A Train
This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.
While standing in the middle of the RR tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.
Predictably, he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and is thrown, head-over-heels, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man: "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replies: "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."
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I WON a motor home!
A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee a sits down to drink it. She looks on the side of her cup and finds a peal off prize. She pulls off the tab and yells, "I WON! I WON! I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!"
The waitress runs over and says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!"
The blonde replies, "No. I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!"
By this time the manager makes his way over to the table and says, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor homes because we didn't have that as a prize!"
Again the blonde says, "No, no mistake, I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!"
The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads,
"WIN A BAGEL."
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The Pearly Gates
St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"
"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"
"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."
"Sounds easy enough. OK."
So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand.
The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What was it you did for a living?"
The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."
Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he asked.
"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."
Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"
"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."
Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"
The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"
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