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The Wise Captain
Long ago, there lived a sailor named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man's man, who showed no fear when facing his enemies.
One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship. The crew became frantic!
Captain Bravo bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the pirates.
That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumph. One of them asked the captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"
The captain replied, "If I had been wounded in the attack, the shirt would not have shown my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid."
All of the men sat and marveled at both the courage and intelligence of such a manly man's man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching! The crew stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual brilliant orders.
Captain Bravo gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants."
Fixing The Problem
John had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
So John went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.
John slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"
"That's good" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
"Hope"
A fellow was sitting in the doctor's waiting room, and said to himself every so often, "Gosh, I hope I'm sick!"
After about the 5th or 6th time, the receptionist couldn't stand it any longer and asked, "Why in the world would you want to be sick Mr. Adams?"
The man replied, "I'd hate to be well & feel like this."
3D Tic Tac Toe
(cool game)
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The Preacher and the Farmer
A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?"
Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."
"You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?"
With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be lookin for Henry Christian. He lives a mile south of here."
The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, "Are you lost?"
"Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer.
"Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked.
This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?"
Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day."
Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days."
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The Purchase
A farmer had been taken several times by a local car dealer. One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over to purchase a cow.
The farmer priced the unit as follows:
Basic Cow $ 999.95
Shipping and Handling 35.75
Extra Stomach 79.25
Two-tone Exterior 142.10
Produce Storage Compartment 128.50
Heavy Duty Straw Chopper 189.60
4-Spigot/High Output Drain System 149.20
Automatic Fly Swatter 88.50
Genuine Cowhide Upholstery 170.80
Deluxe Dual Horns 59.25
Automatic Fertilizer Attachment 339.40
4 X 4 Traction Drive Assembly 884.16
Pre-Delivery Wash and Comb 69.80
Farmer Suggested List Price $ 3336.26
Additional Dealer Adjustment 300.00
Total list price (including options) $ 3636.26
Tax and Ear Tags 418.00
TOTAL PURCHASE PRICE $ 4054.26
Here's a how-to for the prettiest of Easter Eggs:
Add 1 tablespoon white vinegar for each cup of hot (simmering) water.
Fill several bowls with hot vinegar-water mixture (one bowl for each color).
Add several drops of food coloring to each bowl.
Add eggs and soak until water cools (the longer eggs soak, the richer the color).
Remove eggs from water and air-dry.
For a pretty luster, once eggs are dry, rub the surface with vegetable oil.
Think of dyed eggs as art, not food, since they often sit at room temperature for long periods of time.
Drop in and vist Gloria's Kitchen for some great recipes and a little fun. Granny has been playing around in the Pantry again stop by and see her and see what bits of humor she has along with her tips and the archive recipes from Gloria's Kitchen.
Fishing Stories
A guy was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the guy, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The guy replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The guy looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
The game warden was curious now. "O.K. I've GOT to see this!"
The guy poured the fish in to the river and stood by and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the guy and said,"Well?"
"Well, What?" the guy responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" The game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" The guy asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?" The guy asked....
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