Ever notice how ignorance picks-up confidence as it goes along
Hey everyone, Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells
Who said our forefathers didn't have a sense of HUMOR!
St.Peter was checking the gate beween Heaven and Hell and found a broken hinge. He walked over to the "Pit" and called to the Devil...The Devil says, "Yeah, whaddya want..?",
St. Peter: "The hinge is broken and it's your turn to fix it.." .
The Devil retorted: "Gee, I am a bit busy and don't have anyone available for this.." ,
St. Peter got angry, "Look, we have an agreement, and it's your turn to fix the gate..!" ,
The Devil responded, "Sorry Pete, it's our peak season and there just isn't anyone available..."
St. Peter turned red and exclaimed..."Ok, if that's the way you want it, we'll sue..!"
A big grin broke out on the Devil's face, "Oh yeah, and just where are you going to find a lawyer...?!"
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While driving through Buffalo after a heavy snow storm, a motorist noted a cop, apparently waist deep in snow, directing traffic. Feeling sorry for him, the motorist called out "I'm sorry you have to work half buried in the snow."
The cop called back "Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for my horse!"
A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good impression.
But the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of welcome. The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally her youngest son ran in and announced happily, "Mommy, the lady down the street asked my name today!"
"Oh, how nice!" exclaimed the mother enthusiastically.
"And then what did she do?"
"Then she gave it to the policeman." the boy said.
On a highway between Lafayette and Kokomo (in Indiana, USA) there is a sign outside of a house that simply reads "Bob's Dog Obedience School and Taxidermy Shop." You've got to figure that those canines have "really" high motivation to perform well.
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A guy walked into his friend's office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.
"Hey, what's up with you?", he asked.
"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me."
"Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?"
"Neither. He's bald."
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Time for a new job...
A man has an hour before his flight. He decides to kill some time at an airport bar. He walks in and sits down next to a clearly nervous guy, who has three empty whisky glasses in front of him. The man introduces himself to the nervous guy, and buys him a drink.
The man asks, "Nervous about flying?"
The nervous guy replies, "N-n-nervous? I'm t-terrified. I j-just know the p-plane is g-going t-to crash and we're g-going to d-die!"
"Is this your first time flying?"
"N-no, I fly c-cross-c-country all the t-time. It's m-my job."
"Why don't you just ask your boss if you can drive cross-country?"
"H-he would never l-let me do that"
"Why not?" asks the man.
The nervous guy replies, "B-because, I'm the p-pilot!"
There once was a scientist doing an experiment on the reaction of fleas.
He had trained a flea to jump on command.
The scientist would command the flea "Jump Flea!" and the flea would jump.
Then the scientist would proceed to pull off one of the fleas many legs with a pair of tweezers and write a comment in his notebook about the distance the flea would jump.
The scientist did this many times until the flea had only one leg left.
The scientist said "Jump Flea!" and the flea made it's best effort to jump, which the scientist recorded in his notebook.
After he pulled off its last leg, the scientist commanded the flea to jump, and after repeating the command many times without the flea responding he jotted down in his notebook,....
..."After the flea looses all of his legs it becomes completely deaf."
In a restroom at the plush office, a manager had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it -- "THINK!"
The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read -- "THOAP!"
Hey need some ideas on what to do with the groundhog now that Groundhog Day is over ?
How about Country-Style Groundhog?
MMMmmmmm.... That sure sounds good ...
If you wasn't lucky enough to get a groundhog for the holiday, or if you just want some other recipes, I think that Gloria has some fresh recipes in
Granny has been working real hard lately she has completely reorganized the pantry to make searching the archives a little easier and she has some new sponsors that are giving way stuff! She has a new story to tell you every week so stop in and visit Granny in the Pantry
The Super Bowl
A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium - he's closer to the Goodyear blimp than the field.
About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field, right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says no.
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?"
The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967."
"Well, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?"
"No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral."
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