Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.
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You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. or You sleep with your eyes open. |
Medical Humor
As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work, I ask the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, I print it on an allergy band placed on the patient's writs.
Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine my surprise when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station demanding, "Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'bananas'?"
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You've worn out your third pair of shoes this week. or Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. |
You can find the past issues of Keep Smiling
here
The
Newsletters
The Wise Ant
Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot.
So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.
Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"
Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."
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You chew other people's fingernails. or You can type sixty words per minute with your feet. |
Good Dog
A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning."
Her husband replied "Well, lots of dogs can do that."
The wife responded, " But we've never subscribed to any papers!"
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You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. or You answer the door before people knock. |
Navigating Around the World
Three travelers, an American, a Russian, and an Egyptian, were circumnavigating the globe a la Jules Verne (in a balloon). The Russian man put his hand out and reached down into the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland."
"How can you tell?" asked the American.
"I can feel the cold air." he replied.
A few days later the African man put his hand through the clouds. "Aah we're right over my homeland." he said.
"How do you know that?" asked the Russian.
"I can feel the heat of the desert."
Several more days later the American put his hand through the clouds. "Aah, we're right over New York." The Russian and the African were amazed.
"How do you know all of that?!" they exclaimed.
The American pulled his hand in and held it up for them to see. "My watch is missing."
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You can jump start your car without cables. or You don't sweat... you percolate. |
It's been ordered
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."
Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago."
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?"
The clerk smiled and said ...
"Rain."
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Instant coffee takes too long to make. or You channel surf faster without the remote. |
Going to the Barbershop
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.
After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
The
Flying Cow
(game)
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You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. or You short out motion detectors. |
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The Secret to a Long Life
A man once counseled his son that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his cornflakes every morning.
The son did this religiously, and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren, AND a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium....
Search for Jokes with Keep Smiling
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You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. or You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. |
Coffee Recipes
The Secret of a long marriage
A couple had been married for 45 years, had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.
When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
The True Story Of The Three Pigs
Gloria is collecting Summer Fun recipes!
Do you have some favorite Home-made Ice Cream recipes or picnic or BBQ
recipes or just some cool treats and drinks?
Send them to
gloria@keepsmiling.com
| The house is a mess, the dishes are dirty. I'm too old for this stuff, I'm well over thirty! The car is not clean, my hair is a wreck, And I've already spent next Friday's paycheck.
The laundry needs washing, the kids are too rowdy,
I looked in my mirror and what did I see?
My kids are growing at such a fast pace,
Well, the Lord, for some reason, chose ME with the care
I'm only one person, but look through my door,
Sometimes, I forget that deep down inside,
Then, amidst all the turmoil in this mind-bending pace, ~Rabona Gordon |
Keep Smiling's Direct Certificates
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You get a speeding ticket even when you are parked. or The only time you are standing still is during an earthquake. |
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