To convert your dishwasher into a snowblower, just give him a shovel.

Hello everyone,  Just a brief note to keep you informed on the progress of the "Thunder Mountain Trading Post. " WhileThe Trading Post is still under construction Chris and Scott are scouting the reservations for Native American artists that wish to display their creations to the world.  The merchandise that will be displayed at the Trading Post will be authentic and of the highest quality.

Basic Rules for Cats in the House!

The Good Samaritan

A lady lost her handbag at the mall. An honest young man found it and returned it to her.

Looking in her purse, she said, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $100 bill in it. Now there are 5 $20 bills."

The boy replied, "That IS funny. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

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Being Teased

Once there was a boy named Odd. He was the butt of jokes his whole life, because of his name. Eventually he grew up to be a very successful fisherman and owner of three fish processing plants.

When Odd was about to die, he said, "People have been teasing me my whole life and I don't want them doing that after I'm dead, so don't put my name on my gravestone."

After Odd died, people saw his blank tomb-stone and said . . ."

That's Odd ".

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Right and Wrong

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.

"All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?"

Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "you'd be his wife!"

handprints

Football Tickets

Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game.

Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so.

"I think so, too," said Mabel. "Let's go!"

They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse.

They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.

They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed.

Then came the second half.

When the teams lined up for the second half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister. "I guess we can go home now, Mabel?" she said. "This is where we came in."

Gloria's Kitchen

Question: Do you know what a hound dog and a harley have in common?

Answer: They both like to ride in the back of pickup trucks

Penny Trick

The parents of a young boy went into his room and found him crying.

When asked why he was crying, he responded, "I ate a penny and now it is gone."

The father thought quickly, reached into his pocked and pulled out a penny; he then "pulled the penny out of the boy's ear."

The boy laughed took the penny and swallowed it and said, "Do it again!"

The History Of Valentine's Day

TAX RETURNS

The owner of a small deli was being questioned by the IRS about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.

"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"

"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."

"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "I forgot to tell you - we also deliver."

UFO

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.

As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.

"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.

"Yeah," said the blond attendant. "So?"

"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"

The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means-- 'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"

A Place In The Sun

Which Ball is Mine?

Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit perfect drives...the balls sailing directly for the flag. When they walked to the green, they discovered one about three feet from the cup, while the other somehow had gone directly in.

They tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, but since they were both using Titleist number threes they were unable to decide how to make sure the correct person got credit for the hole in one. They returned to the Club House and asked the golf pro for a ruling.

After hearing their story and congratulating them both on their superb shots under such adverse conditions he asked, 'OK, so who was playing the yellow ball and who was playing the red??'

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So Proud

As one of the relatively few female airline pilots, I've often been mistaken for a flight attendant, ticket agent, or even a snack-bar employee. Occasionally people will see me in uniform and ask if I'm a "real" pilot. Still others congratulate me for making it in a male-dominated field. One day I was in the restroom before a flight. I was at the sink, brushing my teeth, when a woman walked through the door and looked over at me. "My sister would be so proud of you!" she remarked.

I figured her sister must be in the airline business, so I smiled and asked why.

Replied the woman, "She's a dentist."