FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.

Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 3 cases of soda.

Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.

Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.

Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?

Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.

Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You'll have to go around to the back service entrance to deliver the pizzas.

Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?

Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?

Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?

Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.

Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?

Agent: We've collected a pool of cash.

Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?

Agent: Yes.

Pizza Man: With guns?

Agent: That's right. Now, can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.

Pizza Man: No way. Click

Kustom Krafts Needleworks
- Free Charts

Did You Know? Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear and smell better.

COOKING TERMS

Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.

Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned not only when the food is removed, but when it is put in.

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

Gloria's Kitchen

Did You Know? The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work is Alaska.

Cochise & Geronimo: The Chiricahua Apaches - DesertUSA

Who really won in 2000?

What happens when a president gets elected in a year ending with a "0"?

1840: William Henry Harrison (Died in Office)
1860: Abraham Lincoln (Assassinated)
1880: James A. Garfield (Assassinated)
1900: William McKinley (Assassinated)
1920: Warren G. Harding (Died in Office)
1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (Died in Office)
1960: John F. Kennedy (Assassinated)
1980: Ronald Reagan (Barely Survived Assassination Attempt)

Perhaps the loser in Florida is the winner after all...

Did You Know? Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Clubs - Alexander the Great Hearts - Charlemagne Diamonds - Julius Caesar

Stuff Your Face II
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Did You Know? If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Letter from Grandma

The highway patrolman was sitting behind the billboard, eating a donut, when he saw Jill running by with a bicycle.

He stopped her and asked, "Miss, why are you running alongside that bicycle?"

"Because," Jill breathlessly gasped, "it’s going too fast to get on!"

 It's Free to Try!

Did You Know? The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards".

Out of Sight..Out of Mind

A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue.

Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"

The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"

Clicks!
Game

Did You Know? San Francisco Cable Cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Seeking Assistance

A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife(a woman well known for her charitable impulses).

"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty, streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."

"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?"

The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes.

"I'm the landlord!" he sobbed.

Beware of the Green Snakes

Did You Know? The nursery rhyme "Ring Around the Rosey" is a rhyme about the plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores ("ring around the rosey"). The sores would smell very badly so common folks would put flowers on their bodies somewhere (inconspicuously), so that it would cover the smell of the sores ("a pocket full of posies"). Furthermore, people who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the possible spread of the disease ("ashes, ashes, we all fall down").

Bounty Web
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Did You Know? The average number of people airborne over the US at any given hour is 61,000.

The Mental Patient

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had

saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a

bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him

into his office.

"Mr. James, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that

you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved

later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied. "I hung him up to dry."

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Marriage

Marriage is a gamble. You start with a pair.
He shows a diamond.
She shows a heart.
Her father has a club.
His father has a spade.
There's usually a joker around somewhere,
but after a while he becomes a king and
she becomes a queen.
Then they end up with a full house.

Ask Dr. Tech

"ask dr. tech" is a 24 hr. Computer Technical-Support Service that works like the reliable "roadside assistance plan" for your car. No matter where you are; no matter what time of day, help is right there at your fingertips for you and your computer. That's because it's a card-carrying membership. Many are saying, "This is how Tech-Support should have been all along." Whether you're a business traveler, college student, soccer mom, or an everyday computer user, "ask dr. tech" will be there with 24 hour online or toll-free phone support to make sure that you're, ".never stranded with a computer problem again!" And, best of all, there's just one low yearly fee for unlimited usage. Don't wait till your next glitch or crash, check it out: "ask dr. tech."

Testing

Why do our kids have to take the Iowa Test for Basic Skills?

Why can't we have a Georgia Test of Basic Skills with questions like, "Bubba's got three cars and he done traded for two more. How many cement blocks is Bubba gonna need?"