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Great Prizes
Hey We did it again..... Some of the Sweeps will be over soon so Enter Now!
Just Before Christmas Just before Christmas, there was an honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus travelling in a elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $100 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?? Santa of course, the other two don't exist!
Plane Crash At the plane crash site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team. "Thank Heavens!", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!" The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades. The Survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. "You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?" The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but Good Heavens, man, your plane only went down yesterday!"
Buying Fishing Worms Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing. An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms.
Santa's recount Ho Ho Ho, Hello out there all people of the world. This is Santa and I just wanted to let you know that Christmas may be a little late this year. See after checking all the boxes and tallying them up, I found some problems with the results. The first result showed: 428,534,120 Good 428,523,119 Bad The second result showed: 428,534,118 Good 428,523,121 Bad So you see, I can't, with good faith, go out and deliver presents while knowing I could have made a mistake. Maybe Little Johnny was good for once, then again, maybe not. So, I have enlisted the help of all my elves and the Mrs. to help do a recount. We hope to have this finished up by 5pm on the 24th of December, but there is a possibility that it might take longer. You see the tally cards were not quite clear to me, although I made them my-self, I forgot what they meant. You know, Good...and Bad??? And the check marks I used were not all the same, some went left, some right, some were just a mark. Some went through both boxes, and some didn't even have much of a mark on them. I leave it up to them to decide what I meant. So if you wake up on Christmas morning, and there are no presents under your tree, at least you can tell the kids the story. Thank you for your patience and understanding in these times, ~~~Santa ~~~~~~
Things To Bring A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master. Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards." "Why is that Timmy?" "Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration." "And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently. "Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, some dude is bound to come up behind you and say, 'Put that red nine on top of that black ten!'"
The Night Before Christmas in Bamma
One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the t wenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof. As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here." The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said, "Yeah, right! Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."
Win a Fantasy Trip to Tahiti, the Swiss Alps, or Africa!
At The Zoo On his first visit to a zoo, the little boy stared at the caged stork for a long time. As this was going on, the boy's father stared at the boy with a curious eye. He watched as his son waved, jumped up and down, and stared at the stork a while longer. Finally, turning to his father, the boy exclaimed, "Gee, Dad, he doesn't recognize me!"
Little Johnny approached his father and said, "I know the Bible!" His father replied, "What do you mean you know the Bible?" Little Johnny replied, "I know what the Bible stands for!" His father said, "So, what does the Bible stand for?" Little Johnny replied, "It stands for Basic Information Before Leaving Earth."
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have them ---females do so), male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa 's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen........had to be a female. We should've known this when they were able to find their way....
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