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 Hey everyone it is me again!
I just popped in to let you know that you can purchase gift certificates
for just about anything that you want through the Keep Smiling website.
What a great idea for Christmas!
Click on this link and see what you can get you will be amazed!
HELP WANTED: Immediate opening.
Fat Lady needed to travel to Florida and sing ...
Who's the Boss My cousin Louie got fired the other day from his construction job. Curious, I asked him what happened. "You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" "Sure, but what's that got to do with it?" I asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," Louie explained. "You see, everyone thought I was the foreman."
Piece of mind "Oh dear," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!" Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised; you've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years."
REGISTER FOR A CHANCE TO WIN $10,000!
IT COSTS SO LITTLE AND MEANS SO MUCH PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO READ THIS IMPORTANT CRY FOR YOUR HELP... As you are probably aware, if voting results in Florida stand as they are now, George W. Bush will be our next President. This will have catastrophic results in our vital -- no, indispensable -- entertainment industry. Barbra Streisand, Martin Sheen, Susan Sarandon, Whoopie Goldberg, Alec Baldwin (possibly Robert Redford) -- among many others -- have sworn to leave the country if George W. Bush is elected President. And this is where YOU can help. We need volunteers to help pack and to load moving vans. We also need airfare for these irreplaceable national treasures so they can relocate before they change their minds. For the cost of a small SUV, you can sponsor one of these celebrities and their unfortunate relocation. You will know that your efforts are helping when you receive postcards, letters and pictures from your chosen "refugee" as they learn to become a useful citizen in the Third World country of their choosing. You will help, won't you? It costs so little but it means so much.
Call 1-800-deport-a-lib.
Keep Smiling Sweepstakes has been updated ....Check them out and enter all of the sweeps! Improve your chance to win by entering all the games.
Hospital Equipment A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hosptial in many years and felt ignorant about the new technologies. A technician followed her onto the elevator wheeling a large machine with tubes and wires and dials and lights that she thought might be a ventilator. "Boy, I would sure hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said. "So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor cleaning machine."
A Most Precious Gift
Three blondes had just bought a can of Pepsi One and were anxious to try it for the first time. So the first blonde opens the can, the second blonde pours it into three glasses. The third blonde eyes the three glasses suspiciously and says "I wonder which one has the calorie?"
Click
here
Noises A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" "It goes moo, miss" "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" "It goes meow, miss" "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" "It goes baaa, miss" "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" "Errr.., it goes.. click!"
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body.
Picture.com is awarding over 250 prizes totaling $60,000 to amateur photographers. The contest is open to everyone and entry is FREE! Read our magazine, view or photograph of the day, win cash in our daily puzzle contest, learn how to get your photography published, etc. Visit Picture.com now!
Bats A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat STANDING upright underneath on the floor of the cave. Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow, "What are you doing down there?" And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"
The Turkey Farmer An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted. "I Don't know" said the farmer. "I can't catch the thing!"
If you have a webpage click here
WINNER TAKES ALL A couple months ago, I entered a contest and ended up winning a fewacres of swamp land below the flood plane in Mississippi. Before I knew it, right after that I won a $250,000 house, so naturally I built it on my new land. Last week, I won enough money in the lottery to quit my job and move down there for good. And just last night, as sat on my new porch watching the rain and listening to the thunder, it all started to sink in.
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