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 Hey everyone it is me again! I just popped
in to let you know that you can purchase gift certificates for just about
anything that you want through the Keep Smiling website. What a great
idea for Christmas!
Click on this link and see what you can get you will be amazed!
What's Prettier Than Freckles? An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. "You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful." The boy looked up, "Really?" "Of course," said the grandmother. "Why just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles." The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, Wrinkles."
Clunk-Clunk-Clunk My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Remove bowling ball from trunk".
************************************************** Special Report ****Just in******** Reporting From the Keep Smiling Newsroom ************************************************** Now back the your regularly scheduled Keep Smiling
Sick Most Mornings A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?" The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings." The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess." The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie?" Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!" The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?" The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. And there’s no way I'm going to miss it!"
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
The Government Job The government bureaucrat sits in his office and out of boredom decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. . . "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides and takes it home with him. While he's polishing the lamp, a genie suddenly appears and offers to grant him three wishes. "First, I wish for an ice cold beer right now!" He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish, "I want to be on an island filled with beautiful women " Instantly he finds himself on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lovingly. He tells the genie his third and last wish, "I wish I'd never have to work ever again. And, "ShaZamm!!" he's back in his government office.... reading Keep Smiling on the web.
Labels I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get very frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat, legible tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it will be there waiting.
Two Time Loser A recent news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a phony check and took him down to the station. While the officers were distracted, the crook grabbed the check off the desk and swallowed it. No problem: the police waited five or six hours and then charged the guy with passing a bad check twice...
Lethal Foods A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But, there is something that is perhaps more dangerous than anything else." The dietitian peered into the crowd and asked, "Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?" A handful of people in the audience raised their hands with possible answers. "Yes, you, sir, in the first row," said the dietitian. "Please give us your idea." The man grinned and blurted, "Wedding cake!"
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