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My wife's cooking melts in your mouth. It may take two or three days, but it melts in your mouth.
Keep Smiling is made from the material that is collected from the email. In most cases the originator of the material is unknown. Personal contributions to the Keep Smiling website are noted and graphics are displayed as they are received.
A Polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a gin...............................and tonic." The bartender asks, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "I dunno, I've always had them."
The Birds KidKits - Child ID Kits
Cool Watch! A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train which leaves at 6:00 PM but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots this guy walking past carrying 2 suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time. The guy replies "Sure, which country?" The fella asks "How many countries have you got?", to which the reply is "All the countries in the world!" "Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've got there." "That's nothing. This watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!" "Boy, that's incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one . . . You wouldn't consider selling it by any chance?" "Well, actually the novelty has worn off for me, so for $900, if you want it, it's yours." The watchless traveller can hardly whip out his check book fast enough, and hands over a check for $900. The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him. "Congratulations, here is you new hi-tech watch" and then, handing the 2 suitcases over as well he says, "and here are the batteries."
Huggies StoryBook! | Headbone Zone (Kids Chat and Instant Message ect.)
The New Pastor A church had to hire a new pastor. Over the protests of one vocal male member a woman was hired as the new senior pastor. After the new pastor had been there a few weeks, a member of the congregation offered to take the new pastor fishing. The vocal objector reluctantly agreed to allow them to use his boat and to go along. The trio got into the boat and motored out on the lake. When they got ready to fish, they realized that all their tackle had been left on the dock. One of the men commented that he guess they would just have to go back and get it. The pastor said that wouldn't be necessary, and she got out of the boat and started walking across the water toward the dock. The old grouch said, "See I told you we never should have hired that woman. She can't even swim."
Little Johnny Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked Little Johnny to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," Little Johnny said to his mother. Then he added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
Bits
of Magic
The Coffin of Your Wildest Dreams
SIGNS A commercial property owner has three shops in a row, all for rent. The first prospective lessee shows up, and says he wants to let the shop on the left. The owner says, "Fine, what kind of shop do you have?" The guy says, "A menswear shop." The owner tells him he gets free signage, and asks what he wants on the sign. "Menswear," says the man. A second guy comes along and wants to let the right hand shop. When asked he says he wants "Menswear" on his sign. The owner tells him that the lefthand shop will be the same. "No problem," says the man. Finally a third man comes along to let the middle shop. The owner is most concerned because this guy also has a menswear shop. Rather wearily the owner asks him what he wants on his sign. The guy replies: "Entrance."
Cool Science For Curious Kids | 5 years of Band-Aid
Chinese Laundry Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry." "Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me, is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He say, "Hans Olaffsen." Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'" "I say, Sem Ting."
Emergency The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three doctors there already!"
One Thing Leads to Another Once, there was this young 21-year-old guy, named John, walking in the streets and he desperately needed to know the time, but he had no watch. Just then, he saw a man, who was well in his 40s, waiting at the bus-stop. He went over to ask him the time. John: "Excuse me sir, could you please tell me the time?" The man remained silent. John asked the same question again and again but the man still remained silent. Frustrated, John asked: "Why aren't you telling me the time?!?" The man finally said, "Well, if I tell you the time, then you will be happy. Then, we'll meet again another day and you'll try to thank me by offering me dinner. Then, I'll have to invite you to my house since we'll be close by then. Then, you meet my stunningly beautiful daughter and both of you will get really close and eventually get married! And, I do not want my daughter marrying a guy who can't afford to buy a watch!!!" |
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