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*Keep Smiling* It makes "them" wonder!
Take a moment to check out the new design of the Keep Smiling Directory. You should change your bookmarks to reflect the new address. As you click on the stars that circle the clown you will be able to check out the other features of the Keep Smiling website. You will notice that I have included a code for you to use to link to Keep Smiling. You can use either text or graphic whichever best suits your webpage.
Keep Smiling is made from files submitted via email
from the subscribers to the mail list. In most cases the
author or creator of the files
are unknown. If you want a link to your entertaining webpage to be displayed in the Keep Smiling Newsletter please send it to othrrggrs@aol.com all we ask is for a simple link back to Keep Smiling (get the codes in the Keep Smiling Directory). Keep Smiling reserves the right to reject any webpage.
How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?
The Artist Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings." "I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist. "Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"
The
Weekend - Time to party (FOOTLOOSE - K. Loggins)
Here is a Tangue Tongler A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
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Grandpa 's Workout My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing. One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could. After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute! Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.
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Little Johnny Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"
A Tie A man goes into a restaurant and the maitre'd stops him. "Sorry sir, you need to wear a tie to enter". So the man goes back to his car and looks around, but there's no necktie to be found. So he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle about. He goes back to the restaurant, where the waiter says, Well, OK, you can come in..................Just don't start anything.
Checking for Bugs A honeymooning couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride is concerned about the room being bugged. The groom says, "I'll look for a bug." He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug. "A-HA!" Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, and throws them and the disc out the window. The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds, "How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?" The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?" The hotel manager says, "Well, the room under you complained of the chandelier falling on them!"
Jury Duty Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all...."
Back From Safari The famous English explorer started his speech, telling of his adventures in the African jungle, with; "Can you imagine people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?" When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, "What I've been describing of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast."
World DOT-CLICKING competition!
The Changing Times Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses, you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"
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The Book Club,
Golf Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are talking. Nicklaus asks Wonder: "How is the singing career going?" Stevie Wonder replies: "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10 so all in all I think it's pretty good. By the way, how's the golf?" Nicklaus replies: "Not too bad, I'm not winning as much as I used to, but I'm still making a bit of money. I've had some problems with my swing but I think I've got that right now." Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be alright." Jack Nicklaus says: "You play golf?" Stevie Wonder says: "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years." And Nicklaus says: "But ... you're blind, how can you play golf if you're blind?" Wonder replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice." "But how do you putt?", asks Nicklaus. "Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice." Nicklaus asks: "What's your handicap?" Stevie says "Well, I play off scratch." Nicklaus is incredulous and he says to Stevie: "We've got to play a round sometime." Wonder replies: "Well, people don't take me seriously so I only play for money, and actually I never play for less than $100,000 a hole." Nicklaus thinks about it and says "OK. I'm game for that, when would you like to play?" Stevie says "Pick any night..."
Party Time An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig." The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago." |
Hi, Before we get into this week's newsletter I want to
take a couple of minutes to let you know that there has been a
lot of changes to the Keep Smiling website, and there are a lot more
to come in the very near future.
