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issue #166
One more note: Keep Smiling is made from the material that is submitted to othrrggrs@aol.com so please feel free to send the things you find funny or amusing to othrrggrs@aol.com
That's the way it goes A customer with a poor credit history ordered a product from a valve-manufacturing company. The company agreed to send the order C.O.D. As the package was being prepared for shipment, one of the clerks erroneously listed the customer as the "Shipper" and the company as the "Ship to" address. Accordingly, the order was picked up by the trucking firm and delivered two days later - to the manufacturer. Not only did they pay $80 for their own parts, but the money was sent to the customer with the poor credit rating.
He's big, red and totally irresistible! Scholastic has created this brand-new offer especially for children and parents who love reading and playing with Clifford. While he entertains and delights, Clifford teaches lasting lessons that help children grow and learn. Valid only in the U.S.
Show me a man who comes home in the evening, is greeted by a smile, is encouraged to take off his shoes, has pillows arranged on the floor for him, and is served a delicious meal - and I'll show you a man who lives in a Japanese restaurant!
BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO for computer and web addicts(Musictoons and Musical messages)
BAD TEMPER A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of Woods. The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 40 yards farther than I could my last ones."
The Project This psychiatrist walks into his waiting room and sees two men. One is hanging upside down from the ceiling. The other is sawing an imaginary piece of wood. The doctor approaches the man who is sawing and asks him what he is doing. "I'm sawing wood," the man replies. "And what's your friend doing?" the doctor asks. "Oh, he thinks he's a light bulb." "Well, don't you think you should tell him to get down? The blood is rushing to his head." "What, and work in the dark?"
Everything Happens for a Reason A local charity office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The director called him, hoping to get a contribution. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the director mumbled, "Um...no." "Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken director began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted. " . . . or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated director said simply, "I had no idea . . ." "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
CatalogLink!
Marylou A guy is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" he says. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she replies. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explains. She looks satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house. Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes to, he says, "What the heck was that for?" "Your horse phoned."
The Meaning of Dreams After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"
Beware Of Dog! Upon entering a little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the door glass. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor near the cash register. He asked the store's owner "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep," the proprietor answered, "That's him." The stranger couldn't help being amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me," he chuckled. "Why in the world did you decide to post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
A Deal's A Deal A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'. . .perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"
My Doctor I had my annual physical this week. The doctor told me to stick my tongue out the window and wag it back and forth. I said to him, "You have me do that every year, but you never tell me why. What's up with that, doc?" "There isn't any medical reason," the doctor replied. "I just hate my neighbors is all."
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Hi! Welcome to another issue of Keep Smiling. 
