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ISSUE
#158 |
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ISSUE
#158 |
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 Hello everyone, You are invited to send in the things
you find funny. Keep Smiling ,although might not be able to use everything
that is received , will accept jokes, stories, games, graphics, pictures,
original works, tips , recipes, well you get the picture, in fact we will
accept just about anything. Be sure to send all email to
othrrggrs@aol.com
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Meals on Wheels One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat "you lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know". The cat thinks for a moment and says "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says "say no more" and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears. A few days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer. The mice answer "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we’re tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don’t have to run anymore?" The Lord says "say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates. About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him "How are things since you are here?" The cat stretches and yawns and replies "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those ‘Meals On Wheels’ you’ve been sending by are theeeeeeeee best!!!"
Are You Sick And Tired Of Your Old Job?
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
Dumb Blonde Joke A woman walks into the doctor's office and says: "Doctor, I hurt all over." The doctor replies, "That's impossible. No one can really hurt all over." "No really!" she said, "Just look: When I touch my arm, ouch!, it hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch!, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch!, it hurts. When I touch my chest, ouch!!, it really hurts, she replies." The doctor looks at her knowingly, and says, "You're a natural blond aren't you?" The woman smiles and says, "Why, yes I am. How did you know?" The doctor replies, "Because, your finger is broken."
Newly Weds The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. “Whatever could have happened?” he thinks, “Who died?” “Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks. “Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again "I found that the cat had eaten it!" “Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. I'll get you a new cat in the morning..."
Shingles A man walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He replied, "I got shingles." She said, "Fill out this form and supply your name, address, medical insurance number. When you're done, please take a seat." Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked him what he had. He said, "I got shingles." So she took down his height, weight, and complete medical history, then said, "Change into this gown and wait in the examining room." A half hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, "I got shingles." So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told him to wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." The doctor gave him a full-cavity examination, and then said, "I just checked you out thoroughly, and I can't find shingles anywhere." The man replied, "They're outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"
On The Beach One day a mother and her 8-year-old daughter were walking along the beach, just at the water's edge. Suddenly, a G I G A N T I C wave flashed up on the beach, sweeping the little girl out to sea. "Oh, God," lamented the mother, turning her face toward heaven and shaking her fist. "This was my ONLY baby. I can't have more children. She is the love and joy of my life. I have cherished every day that she's been with me. Give her back to me, and I'll be in church every day for the rest of my life!!!!" Suddenly, another GIGANTIC wave flashed up and deposited the girl back on the sand. The mother looked up to heaven and said, "She had on a HAT!!!!"
"Policy Decisions" My boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so he sent a memo saying that any paper left on desks would be removed at night and we would have to fill out a form to get it back. So we left all our garbage paper on our desks every night. In a week, the boss had an office full of garbage, and we never heard about the policy again.
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Beware Of Snakes Two snakes were out taking a stroll when the son snake turns to the mother snake and asks: "Mommy! Are we poisonous?" "Why, yes we are", says the second. Again the baby snake asks, "Are you sure we're poisonous?" "Yes, we are very poisonous." The baby snake becomes very upset. Again, he asks, "Are we really really poisonous?" "Yes we are really really poisonous. In fact we're the most poisonous snakes in the world. Why do you ask?" "I just bit my lip!!!"
Prize Fighter The fight manager was grousing, "My boy is no good in short fights," he said. "He needs 15 rounds." But preliminary fighters just don't get 15 round fights, so he finally had to settle for a six-rounder. After ten seconds in the first round the fighter was flat on the canvas, out like a light. "You see!" howled his manaager. "I told you he's no good in short fights!"
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