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As many of you know this past week the host for the Keep
Smiling website trashed the server and the site has been down most of the
week. Because of this the orders for the
Smiley
Mugs have not been sent out . They will be going out
first thing Monday morning.
After I sent out the letter telling everyone that the site was down they got it up and running again. When I sent out the next letter to let you know that the site was up again and I included the link for KEEP SMILING #144. This page did not display well on Netscape so I had to correct the link.
This brings us to today!
I want to remind everyone to continue to send your email to othrrggrs@aol.com . It is your email that makes up the Keep Smiling newsletter. So keep that email coming. (Remember to copy and paste to get rid of headers).
I would like to encourage everyone that makes graphics to send in their graphics
to be used on the Keep Smiling website and in the newsletters.
Please indicate in your email if you are the creator of the graphic.
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Just wondering?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, |
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† Angel Of Love †
Bread
A man who dined every day in his favorite restaurant complained about the bread. It wasn't fair, he emphasized, that other restaurants served lots of bread with the meal. But here he gets only one piece.
So the next time he came in, they brought him four pieces.
He still complained. Couldn't they bring more?
On his next visit his server brought him a dozen pieces of bread.
The man still complained.
For his next visit they put a large basket of bread on the table. But still he complained. After all, the other restaurants give "all the bread you can eat."
They decided to be ready for him the next day. They had an enormous loaf of bread prepared. They plopped it down in front of him. It took up half the table and hung over both sides. The chef stood back, pleased with himself, to see how the customer would react.
The customer looked over the loaf and commented, "So, we're back to one piece again, are we?"
End household chores N' surf the net!
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The Fisherman's Story
One day many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us."
After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would always turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as TOWARDS and AWAY.
The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is time that you learned how to make a living from the sea." They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three month voyage. The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship. Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband.
"My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried.
The ragged fisherman began to tell his story: "We were just barely one whole day out to sea when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again."
"Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been! What a horrible fish. What a horrible fish."
"Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away...."
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Just wondering?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? |
"How did the wedding go?" asked the preacher's wife.
"Just fine till I asked the bride if she would obey and
she said, "do you think I'm nuts?" and the groom said
'I do" and then things really began to happen fast."
It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming. "Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!"
The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room.
"Where is he?" asked the receptionist.
"He's over there," replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel.
The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment. "It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly. "And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?"
"The dresser, honey!" screamed the old lady. "Try standing on the dresser!"
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Just wondering?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, |
Jewish?
A little old Jewish lady is flying out of New York City on her way to Miami Beach. She looks at the businessman sitting next to her and asks him, "Excuse me sir, but are you Jewish?"
The man responds politely, "No, ma'am, I'm not Jewish."
After a little while she again queries him. "You're really Jewish, aren't you?"
Again he responds, "No, ma'am, I am not Jewish."
Barely 10 minutes later, the little old lady asks him once more, "Are you sure you're not Jewish?"
To which, in exasperation and in a final effort to shut her up, he replies, "OK. Yes, ma'am, I am Jewish."
"Funny," she says, looking puzzled. "You don't look Jewish!"
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Just wondering?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? |
Call to the Pet Store
A housewife called up a pet store and said, "Send me thirty-thousand cockroaches at once."
"What in the world do you want with thirty-thousand cockroaches?" asked the astonished clerk.
"Well," replied the woman, "I am moving today and my lease says I must leave the premises in exactly the same condition I found them.
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Just wondering?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? |
I Believe!
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. The monster then opened its mouth while waiting below to swallow man and boat.
As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"
Suddenly, the scene froze in place. As the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
"God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"
"Well," said God, "now that you are a believer you must understand that I won't work miracles to snatch you from certain death in the jaws of the monster, but I can change hearts. What would you have me do?"
The atheist thinks for a minute and then says, "God, please have the Loch Ness Monster believe in You also." God replies, "So be it."
The scene starts in motion again with the atheist falling towards the ravenous jaws of the ferocious beast.
Then the Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says, "Lord, bless this food You have so graciously provided....."
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Just wondering?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? |
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Just wondering?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? |
Who's The Expert?
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?"
The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."
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Just wondering?
If the police arrest a mime, |
The Final Exam
Two Rednecks at Red Man High were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to go to the big Super Truck Rally coming to RMU the following week.
The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _________."
Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder.
"Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?"
Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba.
"Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm."
"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped.
Reaching to tap Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"
"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."
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Just wondering?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? |
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Funeral For A Friend
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying, "Father, the dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick told the farmer "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a new denomination down the road apiece, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal."
Muldoon said "I'll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick replied "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."
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