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Hello everyone, This past week Mrs. Othrrggrs had spinal
surgery and my time has been occupied with taking care of Mrs. "O",
so please pardon me if this week's issue is kind of brief, or if I
have fallen behind in answering email.
Here is a link to a Keep Smiling page that
I just love. For some of you this will be a repeat for those of you
that have not visited this page before I strongly encourage you to visit.
"My
Valentine"
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This week I will start you off with a bunch
of links to free stuff. Some of it you may be interested in some maybe
not. But check them out anyway what the heck they're FREE.
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The Weight lifter
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Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become the next
Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the
weight-lifting department.
"Please, Dad," whined the boy, "I promise I'll use them every day."
"I don't know, Michael. It's really a big commitment on your part," the father
pointed out.
"Please, Dad?"
"They're not cheap either."
"I'll use them Dad, I promise. You'll see."
Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door.
From the corner of the store he heard his son yell, "What! You mean I have
to carry them to the car?!"
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How to Write a Love Letter
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Enough is Enough!
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A man gets captured by cannibals and everyday they poke him
with spears and use his blood to wash down their food.
Finally the captive calls the chief over and says, "You can kill
me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
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Wishing Well
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Oh No!
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Two blondes were riding a train for the first time.
They had brought along a bag of bananas for lunch.
Just as one bit into her banana, the train entered a tunnel under a mountain.
In the darkness, she asked the other, "Did you take a bite of your banana?"
"No."
"Well, don't. I did, and I just went blind."
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The Bates Student - Article
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Why does Sea World have a seafood
restaurant?
I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh
my God....
I could be eating a slow learner."
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TITANIC
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Rescue?
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Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the
deep water. Unable to swim, the man started to scream for help. A local fisherman
ran up. The man gasped, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save
her. I"ll give you a hundred dollars."
The fisherman dived into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the
woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at
the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, buddy, where's my hundred?"
The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought
it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. So tell me,
what do I owe you?"
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Old But Not Too Old
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I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 bypass surgeries. A hip replacement, new
knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quitter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have
poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if
I'm 85 or 92. Have lost my friends.
BUT.....THANK GOD, I STILL HAVE MY DRIVER'S LICENSE!
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FamilyPoint
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Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other,
"Does this taste funny to you?"
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Always
Coca-Cola
(In Napoli where love is King, when boy meets
girl, here's what they say)
When the moon hits your eye Like a big pizza pie
....That's Amore'
When world seems to shine Like you've had too much
wine
.... That's Amore'
Bells'll ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling
And you'll sing "Vita bella"
Hearts'll play tippi-tippi-tay, tippi-tippi-tay
Like a gay tarantella
When the stars make
you drool joost-a like pasta fazool
That's amore
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When you dance down the street with a cloud
at your feet, you're in love
When you walk in a dream
but you know you're not dreamin', signore
'scusa me, but you see, back in old Napoli,
...That's amore |
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What's the
Question?
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A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother,
"Mum, what's sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave
him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he
had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all
that into this one little square?"
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Free Medications
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Hey A Talking
Duck
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This duck comes into a bar and asks for a beer. In amazement, the bartender
exclaims, "HEY! you can talk!!"
"Yes, I do. So what?" asks the duck as he flies up to the stool.
The bartender asks what else the duck does.
"I work across the street doing construction on the new building going
up."
Day after day, the duck comes into the bar during his lunch break and
downs a brew.
Then one day the circus comes to town. By chance, the ringmaster
happens across the same bar. The bartender says to the ringmaster,
"You ought to check out this talking duck. He comes in for a beer
every day around lunchtime."
"Really? I could sure use one of those. Tell the duck that if he wants
to make a lot more money than he makes now, to stop by and see me."
The next day when the duck visits the bar, the bartender tells him,
"The circus is in town and their ringmaster wants you to be part of
their circus for MORE BUCKS than you're getting now!!"
"Wow, that's great! But isn't the circus that big event down at the
fairgrounds?"
"Yeah ..."
"They've got that big canvas tent, right?
"Yeah, so?"
"Well, what the heck does he want with a drywall worker?"
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Take
time
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Buglarized
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The Baltimore Police Department, famous for its superior K-9 unit, was somewhat
taken back by this recent incident. Returning home from work, a blonde was
shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police
at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit
patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the woman ran out on the porch, shuddered
at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps, put her
face in her hands and moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a blind policeman!"
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Love
Poems
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Follow The Doctor's
Instructions
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I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on
the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what
I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
laughing too hard to finish the exam.
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Noise
Makers
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On the Golf
Course
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The husband and wife were playing on the ninth green
when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I
need help." she said.
The husband ran off saying "I'll go get some help." A little while later
he returned, picked up his club and began to line up his shot on the green.
His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, "I'm may be dying and
you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who said he come and
help."
"The second hole??? When in the hell is he coming???"
"Hey! I told ya not to worry." he said, practice stroking his putt. "Everyone's
already agreed to let him play through."
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"Mom, where did I come
from?"
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My sister in law stammered a bit, but finally got her composure. She thought
it was time her daughter knew the facts of life. So,she told Little Rita
how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed
in the womb and finally how
a child was born. As my sister in law gave the whole story,Rita's eyes got
wider and wider.
When She was finished, Little Rita said "Wow, that's really neat.
That sure beats what Uncle Rusty told me.
He said that he came from Pennsylvania."
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