Hello everyone,

Thank you all for the email that you are sending.  Remember to invite your friends to join Keep Smiling.  They can sign up here Keep Smiling Newsletter.
. 
  My Valentine
.
.

  .
 .

.
PRINT COUPONS FROM YOUR OWN COMPUTER!

Save hundreds of dollars at your favorite stores. Enroll now in CoolSavings -- it's fast, free, and your privacy is guaranteed. Clip here NOW and save today!
.
.
Trapped in a Fire

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into.

The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"

The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away...the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead.

"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.

"No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"

"OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"

"Look," the Blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it.."
 .
  .
TRY QUICKEN® DELUXE 2000 RISK-FREE FOR 30 DAYS

…AND GET PRINTMASTER® PUBLISHING SUITE FREE

Harness the power of the Internet to make the most of your money! Organize your finances all in one place, balance your checkbook in record time, discover the convenience of online banking and bill payment, invest smarter and more! Plus, get a free copy of PrintMaster® Publishing Suite FREE!
.
.

Because I'm a guy
When I lock my keys in the car I
will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore
your suggestions that we call a road service until
long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the
car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and
stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.

If another guy shows up,
one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things,
but now with all these computers and everything, I
wouldn't know where to start."
We will then drink beer.

.

.
.

.

Prison Riot

"Now then," said the warden addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot. "I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt?

Second: How did you get out of our cell?"

One of the three men stepped forward, "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful."

"I see. And the cell? What did you use to cut the bars?"

Replied the spokesman, "Toast."
  .
 .

CARTOON
. 
 .
Because I'm a guy
When I catch a cold I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in
bed and moan.
You never get as sick as I do,
so for you this isn't an issue.

.

iBaby.com
.
.

A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. . . .

Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today"

Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear"

Says He: "OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?"

Says She: "Well, the air bag works..."

.

.
.

Try America's #1 selling tax preparation software FREE!
.
.

Hot tip!

Don't drink and drive. Instead, the next time you get too drunk to drive, walk into a local Dominos and order a pizza.

Then when they go to deliver it, ask for a ride home.
  .
  .

What an Angel
 
. 

Because I'm a guy
When one of our appliances stops working
I will insist on taking it apart -- despite
evidence that this will just cost me twice as much
once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together

.
.
Cartoon
.
.

Recovery Room Talk

A husband was coming out of anesthesia after a series of test in a hospital.

His wife was sitting at his bedside, when his eyes fluttered open and he murmured, "You're beautiful."

Flattered, the wife continued her vigil. Later the husband woke up again and said, "You're cute."

"What happened to beautiful?" asked the wife.

"The drugs are wearing off," the husband replied.
 
  .
.

.
.

Play the Sweepstakes
.
.

Hard To Understand

Bill was in his usual place in the morning - sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.

He turned to his wife Marlene with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

Marlene replied, "Why thank you, dear!"
  .
  .

.
.
The Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth...

Chief Grinding Bear says to his son, "Son, you push-um outhouse off-um cliff?"

Little Beaver says, "No, my father, me no push-um outhouse off-um cliff."

Grinding Bear says, "Son, me tell-um you story of Great White Father, George Washington. Many moons ago, when Great White Father was young boy, him chop-um down cherry tree. Him father say, 'Georgie, you chop-um down cherry tree?'

Little George say-um, 'Cannot tell-um lie, Father. It is true, me chop-um down cherry tree.' Him father say, 'Georgie bad, but Georgie honest, so you no get-um punishment.'

Now Little Beaver, I ask-um you again... you push-um outhouse off-um cliff?"

His son says, "Yes, my father, it is true, me push-um outhouse off-um cliff."

The Chief proceeds to give-um bigtime spanking to his son.  Afterwards, Little Beaver says, "Father, Great White Father tell truth and get-um off scott-free. I tell-um truth... why you give me big time spanking?"

"Ah, Little Beaver, Georgie's father, he not sit-um in cherry tree."
. 
 .

Because I'm a guy
I will share equally in the housework.
You do the
laundry, the cooking, the cleaning and the dishes.
I'll do the rest.

.
.

FamilyPoint
.
.

Air Force One Crashed

This just in....Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic-stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor. "Sir," the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did." The man muttered unconcernedly. "Do you realize that is the

President of the United States' airplane?" "Yep."

"Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped. "Nope. They's all kilt straight out."

The farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor. "I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning."

"The President of the United States is DEAD?" The agent gulped in disbelief.

"Well," the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. "He kept a-saying he wasn't ... but you know what a liar he is."
  .
  .

Because I'm a guy
You don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it,
I didn't.
. 
 .
 
  EBates.com for Online Shoppers!
  .
  .
  Because I'm a guy, yes, I have to turn up the radio

when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and

then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about

how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time

and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison

is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave.

Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.

.
.

In the 1500's
Houses had straw roofs with no wood underneath. Pets would sit on the
roof in old weather. But if it rained, the roof became slippery and the
animals would slide off the roof. That's how the saying "it's raining
cats and dogs" came to be.
In the 1500's
Only the wealthy had floors made of something other than dirt, which
resulted in the expression "dirt poor."
Rich people had slate floors. They put thresh on them when they got wet
and slippery, but often the thresh would slip outside. So they placed a
piece of wood at the entrance which became known as the "thresh hold."
In the 1500's
In the tub of water, the man took the first bath,
then the wife and the children. The baby was last.
Hence the expression:
"Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
In the 1500's
Pork was a luxury. If people had bacon, they would hang up a slab to show
it off. It was an honor to be able to "bring home the bacon."
When company came, a man would slice off a little for each guest, and
they would sit around and "chew the fat."
In the 1500's
Bread loaves were divided according to status. Workers got the bottom of the
loaf (often scorched), and the family got the middle, and guests got the
top, or the "upper crust."

In the 1500's
Coffins in England, it was discovered that some coffins, reopened after several
years, had scratch marks inside indicating the person had not been dead
when buried. So they tied a string to the wrist of each person that lead
to a bell above ground. Someone was assigned to sit at night and listen
for the bells, hence the expressions: "graveyard shift" and "saved by the
bell."

In the 1500's
Whiskey drunk from lead cups, the combination sometimes knocked people cold. If found on the road, they would be taken home and laid out on the kitchen table. The family would gather around and wait to see if they would wake up. It was called "holding a wake"

.

 .

.
 Because I'm a guy
I am capable of announcing, "one
more beer and I really have to go," and mean it every
single time I say it, even when it gets to the point
that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to
go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly
hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll
be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you
threw all my clothes into the front yard. What's the
connection?

.
 

Keep Smiling Searches the Web   Keep Smiling Directory Keep Smiling Newsletter Request Keep Smiling SweepStakes