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Hello everyone,
Looks like we made it thru the Holiday. The world didn't end. and there was very little problems around the world so it looks like we can Keep Smiling for another thousand years.
So now lets get our friends to sign up for the Keep Smiling newsletter send them this link
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I have a special request to ask of those that have WEBTV. Please send the instructions on "How to Copy and Paste" I am talking about sending email if you are only wanting to send part of an email to friend. I will publish the instructions when I receive them.
Please send the instructions to othrrggrs@aol.com
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Here is a program for AOL members this is a Free Download
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Stands to Reason
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause yer feet ain't empty."
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| Mary had a little
lamb,
His fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went, The Lamb was sure to go. He followed her to school each day, T'wasn't even in the rule. It made the children laugh and play, To have a Lamb at school. And then the rules all changed one day, llegal it became; To bring the Lamb of God to school, Or even speak His Name. Every day got worse and worse, And days turned into years. Instead of hearing children laugh, We heard gun shots and tears. What must we do to stop the crime, That's in our schools today? Let's let the Lamb come back to school, And teach our kids to pray! |
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Many of you write some really good
poems, so I thought you may be interested in knowing .
The International Library of Poetry will award 250 prizes totaling $58,000.00 to amateur poets in the coming months. Winning money for your poems would really make you KEEP SMILING Click on this clown to learn more about this contest |
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The New Baby
For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child.
The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore,he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
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Some, if not most, VCR's won't be able to use the programmed advanced recording feature. To fix this problem without buying a nw VCR set the year on 1972 because the calendar days of the week and month will be the same as the year 2000. 1977 starts with Jan. 1st on Saturday, but there is no Feb. 29th in 1977. 1972 has the same dates and also contains a leap year as well. |
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I Want A Beer
The owner of a bar is just locking up for the night when there is a knock at the door.
He opens the door and there's a snail sitting on the doorstep. "What do you want?" asks the owner.
"I want a beer," says the snail.
"First of all, we're closed, and second of all, we don't serve snails. So go away!"
The snail begs and pleads for a beer.
The owner finally gets fed up, kicks the snail, and slams the door.
ONE YEAR LATER....
The owner of a bar is just locking up for the night when there is a knock at the door.
He opens the door and there's a snail sitting on the doorstep.
"What'd you do that for?" asks the snail.
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Thinking Ahead
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented, "That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are 20 $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
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The following is about a teacher who asks her young pupils to write about how they spent their spring break holidays.
One child wrote:
"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.
"They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.
"At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.
"My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night--Early Birds.
Some of the people can't get past the man in the doll house to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck.
"My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren"
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The Diagnosis
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?"
Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
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Old Golfers
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone.Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.
They reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball, directly between the ball and the green. The old man said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right
over that tree." With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."
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It Worked!
A woman went to doctors office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained.
He had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was *pregnant*?"
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. "Cured her hiccups though, didn't I?
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A LITTLE LUMBER
Miko Kelly decided it was high time he went to confession. After the usual beginning, Miko said: "I have to confess, Father, that I stole a little lumber."
"Well, I'm sure there is more to this story," said Father O' Brian.
"Tell me now, what did you do with the lumber?"
"I built some birdhouses, Father," said Miko, softly.
Planning to let Miko off lightly, Father O'Brian first double-checked: "Is there anything more to this story?"
"Yes, Father, there is. I had a little lumber left over, so I built myself a three-bedroom house."
"And then?" asked the priest.
"Well, Father, I still had some lumber on hand, so I built a 2-car garage onto the house."
"Miko, my boy, this is getting rather serious," said Father O' Brian. "I think you will have to make a Novena."
"Well, Father O' Brian, if you got the blueprints...I got the lumber!"
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| I asked the Lord to bless you
As I prayed for you today To guide you and protect you As you go along your way.... His love is always with you His promises are true, And when we give Him all our cares You know He will see us through So when the road you're traveling on Seems difficult at best Just remember I'm here praying And God will do the rest. |
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