Thanksgiving

**Special Issue**

Happy Thanksgiving

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Black November

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,

My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,

Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,

And he told me there was something that I had to know;

His look and his tone I will always remember,

When he told me of the horrors of..... Black November;

"Come about August, now listen to me,

Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,

And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,

And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;

And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,

In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;

Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,

And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;

And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing,

She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing".

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,

I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,

And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,

I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked;

I began a new diet of nuts and granola,

High roughage salads, juice and diet cola;

And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,

I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,

And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;

But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,

As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;

And sure enough when Black November rolled around,

I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;

I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap;

She held me today, while sewing and humming,

And smiled and said, "Christmas is coming..."

WIN $10,000.00

Grandpa Tucker's Tommy, the Turkey Star

A New Recipe for the Holidays

Fruitcake Recipe

1 cup water

1 cup sugar

4 large eggs

2 cups dried fruit

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup brown sugar

lemon juice

nuts

1 gallon whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a

large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the

highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl.

Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK.

Cry another tup. Turn off mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl

and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it

loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for

tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who

cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and

strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something.

Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to

350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to

bed. Who the heck likes fruitcake anyway.

It's Turkey Day '99!

Habitat For Humanity International is dedicated to building decent, affordable housing in partnership with families in need. We want to share with you the good news of our work. Subscribe now to Habitat Letters and receive free e-mail newsletters with monthly updates of Habitat activities around the world.

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?" He replies, "To the kitchen." She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replies, "Sure."

She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He says, "No, I can remember that." She then says, "Well I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."

He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."She replies, "Well I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down." With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."

Pagoo

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