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Issue #132 Happy Thanksgiving |
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Issue #132 Happy Thanksgiving |
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Hello everyone, Today I would like to open this
issue with a card...Please click on this link! Thanksgiving
From Keep Smiling
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YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID
WHEN:
Your back goes out more than you do.
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Why we eat turkey on Thanksgiving
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A Saint
There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their evil ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and appeared to be perfect Christians.
Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could the new pastor see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church membershhip grew in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At the funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check.
The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on like this, he finally concluded, "but, compared to his brother, he was a saint."
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YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID
WHEN:
You quit trying to hold your stomach in,
no matter who walks into the room.
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YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID
WHEN:
You are proud of your lawn mower.
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The Golf Game
One Day when Jesus and Moses were out playing golf, they decided to have a contest to see who could make the most outstanding shot. Moses decided to go first. He hammered his shot straight for the green.
Unfortunately, the ball fell into a water hazard. Undaunted, Moses raised his arms to the sky and the water parted. The ball rolled out of the water and ended up only a foot away from its goal.
Jesus looked at Moses and said, "Hey Moses, that was a pretty good show.
Now let me see what I can do." Jesus took his shot and sent the ball screaming toward the green. Unfortunately, Jesus' ball headed straight for the water hazard. Jesus held out one hand, and instead of the ball dropping into the water, it bounced on top of the water, rolled up on the green only three inches from the cup.
Moses said, "Wow, that was an incredible shot!"
No sooner had Moses said this, when the skies grew dark and the wind started to pick up. Lightning and thunder crackled through the sky. Suddenly a ball fell from the sky into the same water hazard. Just as quickly, a fish came by and swallowed the ball. An eagle flying overhead swooped down, grabbed the fish with his talons, and headed for the now darkened sky. Just as the eagle was about to leave, lightning struck the eagle and the dropped the fish onto the green. The fish opened his mouth, the ball rolled out and Dropped into the hole.
Then Moses turned to Jesus and said, "Man! I hate it when your Dad plays.
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YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID
WHEN:
You sing along with the elevator music.
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Dodge is adding wires under the wipers so they can be freed when frozen and not burn up the motor.
But Ford is ahead of all of them! They're adding the wire elements to the tailgates on all of their trucks. To keep your hands warm while you're pushing!
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YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID
WHEN:
People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
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In the Wilderness
A forest ranger is making rounds in a remote part of the wooded reserve when he comes across an unkempt man, sitting at a make-shift campfire, and, to the ranger's horror, eating a fish and a bald eagle. The man is consequently put in jail for the crime. He was soon brought to trial for his crime...
The Judge asked the man "Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?"
"Yes I do." replied the man, "but if you let me argue my case, I'll explain what happened."
"You may proceed."
"I got lost in the woods, and hadn't had anything real to eat for two weeks," the man explained. "I was so hungry, I was eating plants to stay alive. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake grabbing some fish. I thought 'if I startled the Eagle I could maybe steal the fish.' Low and behold, the eagle lighted upon a nearby tree stump to eat the fish. I threw a stone toward the eagle hoping he would drop the fish and fly away. Unfortunately, in my weakened condition, my aim was off, and the rock hit the eagle squarely on his poor little head, and killed it. I thought long and hard about what had happened, but figured that since I killed it I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground."
The judge says he will take a recess to analyze the defendant's testimony. 15 minutes goes by and the judge returns:
"Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and because you didn't intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges." The Judge then leans over the bench and hispers: "If you don't mind my asking, what does a bald eagle taste like?"
"Well your honor, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it's a bit more tender than a California Condor but lacks the tang of a Spotted Owl."
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Harvest Chocolate Pumpkin Cake
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| Life is a gift...accept it
Life is an adventure...dare it Life is a mystery...unfold it Life is a game...play it Life is a struggle...face it Life is beauty...praise it Life is a puzzle...solve it Life is opportunity...take it Life is sorrowful...experience it Life is a song...sing it Life is a goal...achieve it Life is a mission...fulfill it" ---Author David McNally |
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YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID
WHEN:
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
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The Most Beautiful Flower
The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read
Beneath the long, straggly branches of an old willow tree.
Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown,
For the world was intent on dragging me down.
And if that weren't enough to ruin my day,
A young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play.
He stood right before me with his head tilted down
And said with great excitement, "Look what I found!"
In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight,
With it's petals all worn - not enough rain or too little light.
Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play,
I faked a small smile and then shifted away.
But instead of retreating he sat next to my side
And placed the flower to his nose and declared with overacted surprise,
"It sure smells pretty and it's beautiful, too.
That's why I picked it; here, it's for you."
The weed before me was dying or dead.
Not vibrant of colors, orange, yellow, or red.
But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave.
So I reached for the flower and replied, "Just what I need."
But instead of him placing the flower in my hand,
He held it in midair without reason or plan.
It was then that I noticed for the very first time
That weed-toting boy could not see: he was blind.
I heard my voice quiver, tears shone like the sun
As I thanked him for picking the very best one.
"You're welcome," he smiled, and then ran off to play,
Unaware of the impact he'd had on my day.
I sat there and wondered how he managed to see
A self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree.
How did he know of my self-indulged plight?
Perhaps from his heart, he'd been blessed with true sight.
Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see
The problem was not with the world, the problem was me.
And for all of those times I myself had been blind,
I vowed to see the beauty in life, and appreciate every second that's mine.
And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose
And breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose
And smiled as I watched that young boy, another weed in his hand
About to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.
By Cheryl L. Costello-Forshey
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YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID
WHEN:
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
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BON APPETIT: HOW TO CARVE TURKEY
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Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then leave this pub right now!" and approached a second man. "Do you want to got to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then leave this den of Satan," said the priest, as he walked up to O'Toole. "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"No, I don't Father," O'Toole replied.
The priest looked him right in the eye, and said, "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole smiled, "Oh, when I die, yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
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YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID
WHEN:
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
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DINNER GUEST
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
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YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID
WHEN:
You got cable for the weather channel.
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One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
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