Issue #125
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Issue #125 |
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Links to Keep Smiling Stores Pets Toys Shopnow
Hello Everyone, Don't forget to click on the sponsors
and take advantage of their offers. There are lots of links to for
the Keep Smiling website located in the KEEP SMILING DIRECTORY be sure to
click on the link at the end of the newsletter.
I have included several links in this issue to some free stuff that you can use... there are links to places where you can get free coupons for all kinds of stuff. We are entering that time of year again when we do a lot of shopping for all the holidays and these coupon programs can help a lot! The Best part is it is all FREE to you so please take advantage of all these programs and KEEP SMILING
Petsmart® has joined with Keep Smiling® to help with your pet's needs please visit the the
KEEP SMILING PETSTORE where you have the choice of two stores to shop.
TOYSMART® has also teamed up with KEEP SMILING® please check their links in the KEEP SMILING TOY STORE
The KEEP SMILING SWEEPSTAKES page has been updated be sure to check it out ! There is even a $10,000 shopping Spree in New York City being given away!
Remember KEEP SMILING is trying to increase the size of our mail list so invite your friends to sign up. They can sign up through this link KEEP SMILING FREE NEWSLETTER
Keep Sending in your jokes and pictures and stuff to othrrggrs@aol.com please use KEEP SMILING in the subject line. I NEED MORE PICTURES! MORE HomePages!(please tell me if the link you send in are to Your own page)
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If fifty million people say a foolish thing
it is still a foolish thing.
--Anatole France
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A Dedication to the Military Men and Women
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Chatting with a friend
A woman who just got married ran into a friend on the street one day, and the friend asked her how her marriage was going.
"Not good. He eats like a pig, he never takes a bath, and he leaves his dirty clothes all over the house. He makes me so sick I can barely eat."
"Well," says the friend, "why don't you leave him?"
"I will," says the first one.
"But I want to lose another 12 pounds first."
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A handy tip for inexpensive ice "gel packs"
Mix 3 cups of water and 1/4 cup of rubbing alcohol into a freezer bag. Shake lightly to mix then place in freezer. The mixture will not freeze solid but form a slush like gel. I mix up bags in several different sizes. larger bags for knees and arms, smaller ones for ankles and wrists.
And of course they travel well in an ice cooler.
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| Fold two hands together
And express a dash of sorrow Marinate it overnight And work on it tomorrow
Chop one grudge in tiny pieces Add several cups of love Dredge with a large sized smile Mix with the ingredients above
Dissolve the hate within you By doing a good deed Cut in and help your friend If he should be in need
Stir in laughter, love, and kindness From the heart it has to come Toss with genuine forgiveness And give your neighbor some
The amount of people served Will depend on you It can serve the whole wide world If you really want it to
Author Unknown
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| You may think your PC is "Y2K" compliant, and some little tests may have
actually affirmed that your hardware is compliant, and you may even have
a little company sticker affixed to your system saying "Y2K Compliant"...but
you'll be surprised that Windows may still crash unless you do this simple
exercise below.
I know that I had not thought of this and my home computer and work computer would have failed Jan 1, 1999. Easy fix but something Microsoft seems to have missed in certifying their software as Y2K compliant. This is simple to do, but VERY important. Click on "START". Click on "SETTINGS". Double click on "Control Panel". Double click on "Regional Settings" icon (look for the little world globe). Click on the "Date" tab at the top of the page. (Last tab on the top right.) Where it says, "Short Date Style", look and see if it shows a "two digit" year format("YY"). Unless you've previously changed it--and you probably haven't--it will be set incorrectly with just the two Y's...it needs four! That's because Microsoft made the 2 digits setting the default setting for Windows 95, Windows 98 and NT. This date format selected is the date that Windows feeds *ALL* application software and will not rollover into the year 2000. It will rollover to the year 00!!!! Click on the button across from "Short Date Style" and select the option that shows "mm/dd/yyyy" or m/d/yyyy". Be sure your selection has four y's showing--not just "mm/dd/yy". Then click on "APPLY". Then click on "OK" at the button.
Easy enough to fix. However, even "as distributed" installation of Windows worldwide is defaulted to fail Y2K rollover. Pass this on to your PC buddies...no matter how much of a guru they think they are, this might be a welcome bit of information! |
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Real Mothers
Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried playdough doesn't come out of shag carpet.
Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask "why me?" and get their answer when a little voice says, "because I love you best."
Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years or grade. . .it is marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy to Mom...
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What Moms REALLY Pray At Night
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Stories from records of the National Park System
.... clever creatures
A visitor to Glacier National Park in Montana lost his car keys while attempting
to lure a ground squirrel by dangling the keys out in front of the critter.
The squirrel grabbed the keys and ran down a hole with them. The keys were
never retrieved, a ranger cited the man for harassment of wildlife, and a
locksmith was called to make new car
keys.
.... putting our loved ones at risk for a photo
In May of 1994, Tony Moore, 43, of Marietta, Georgia, was gored and seriously
injured by a large male bison in Yellowstone, next to the Lake Hotel. Moore
and a friend had approached to within 15 feet of the bison to have their
pictures taken. While they were standing with their backs to the animal,
it charged.
Moore's companion escaped, but Moore received a severe
puncture wound in his right thigh and was taken by ambulance to a hospital
in Jackson for treatment.
.... watching for falling rocks
A visitor setting up camp at Lake Eleanor in Yosemite National Park hit herself
on the head with a rock while trying to string up her food to protect it
from
bears.
.... requesting assistance
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In 1994, a woman visiting from the Bay Area embarked on a solo hike to the summit of El Capitan in Yosemite. When she became lost and saw a storm brewing, she called 911 from her cellular phone and asked to be rescued. A helicopter found her barely off the trail and one-fourth to half a mile from the top of El Cap. When the 'copter lifted off and the woman saw how close she was to her summit goal, she asked the crew to set her down on top. When the crew declined, she threatened to sue them for kidnapping. |
... caring for the creatures
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A woman, appearing rather distraught, came into the visitor center at Redwood National Park in California to report that she had seen several Irish setters lying along the edge of the highway and she feared they were dead or injured. Rangers explained to her that these were pieces of redwood bark that had fallen off logging trucks. |
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A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter to 'God, USA' they decided to send the letter to the President. The President was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank-you note to God which read:
Dear God, Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington DC and, as usual, those guys deducted $95.00.
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A WOMAN'S RANDOM THOUGHTS
Skinny people enrage me! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills.
She had 14 kids, but she doesn't care.
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "listen lady... do it and die."
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.)
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.
"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?"
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An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (..turn from your sin...)
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an AXE and two 38s!"
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Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
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Advice from Mom
A young woman came home and told her mom that her steady boy friend had proposed, but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell.
"Marry him anyway, honey. Between the two of us, we'll show him just how very wrong he is."
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Deaf Golfer
A man was about to tee off on the golf course when he felt a tap on his shoulder & a man handed him a card that read "I am a deaf mute. May I play through, please?"
The first man angrily gave the card back, and made it clear that, no, he may NOT play through, and that his handicap did not give him such a right. The first man whacked the ball onto the green & left to finish the hole.
Just as he was about to put his ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball, laying him out cold. When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around & saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other holding up 4 fingers.
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Robert Browning:
the complete text
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Bikers
Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing?What if you have an accident?"
The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us."
The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle."
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Planting Season
The old farmer's mule had finally died of old age just before spring planting, so the farmer made a trip to town to buy another mule. His $125 didn't buy much, but he was satisfied with his purchase and he made arrangements to return the next day with a horse trailer to pick up the mule and the dealer agreed to keep it overnight for him.
Early the next day, the old man returned. "Jim," said the mule dealer, "that old mule died last night. I'm real sorry to have to tell you this. I know you were counting on it for your spring garden."
The dealer offered Jim his money back, but Jim refused because a bargain was a bargain. He loaded the dead mule on his truck and left.
A couple of months later, the mule dealer happened to drive by Jim's place and was astonished to see Jim working his garden on a new $4,000 garden tractor. Honking his horn, he called Jim over and asked him how in the world he had managed to buy a tractor when, not too long ago, all he had was the $125 that he'd spent on the dead mule.
"Well", Jim explained, "After leaving with the mule, I had this idea. So, I stopped off at the local print shop and had 2,000 $2 raffle tickets printed up. 'Grand prize: Gardening Equipment.' I sold all the raffle tickets to people around town."
"Yeah, but where did you get the gardening equipment from, Jim?"
"From you..."
"No, I mean the equipment you had as the raffle prize."
"I got it from you..."
"Jim, all you got from me was a dead mule."
"I know, that's what I raffled off."
"My Goodness, Jim! You raffled off a dead mule?! I'll bet that really ticked them off when they realized the mule was dead."
"Nope, not really... The only one really ticked off was the winner, so I gave him his money back."
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