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Hey People This is Issue
#119
of the Don't you just love it?
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Hello, This page was updated January 27, 2007.
click on the pic
shhh.....
I have a secret....
If you wanna know I'll tell you!!
Taking Pride
Using a new painting program on my computer, I managed to come up with a very credible still life of fruit. I made a color printout and sent it to my daughter, a graphic designer. She called when it arrived. "Isn't it good?" I asked.
She chuckled, and in a tone that echoed mine from years ago, replied, "Mom, it's beautiful. We put it on the refrigerator."
Life is an adventure to be lived,
not a problem to be solved,
and in the end only kindness
counts.
Black and White TV
I Love Lucy, The Real McCoys I wanna go back to black and white I'd trade all the channels on the satellite
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The Right Words
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
Home Again
| A daughter comes home from the peace corps in Uganda and surprises her
mother who is in the process of lighting the Friday night candles and serving
the matzoh ball soup.
The mother is so thrilled she can't stop hugging and kissing her daughter. Finally she says, "Sit down, darling. Tell me all about what you were doing." Her daughter says, "Mom, I got married." "Oy, mazeltov," says the mother. "How could you do that without telling me? What's he like? What does he do? Where is he?" "He's waiting outside on the porch while I tell you." "What are you talking about? Bring him in. I want to meet my new son-in-law." The daughter brings him in and to her consternation the mother sees a black man standing before her wearing a big grin, a feathered cod piece, an enormous head dress, animal tooth beads and he is holding a very tall spear in an upright position. The mother grabs her daughter, slaps her back and forth on both cheeks and screams, "Dummy, Stupid, Idiot..... I said RICH doctor!" |
| Wilderness
tips
To distinguish between species of bear: Go over to the bear, and kick him. Run up a nearby tree. If he climbs
the tree and eats you, he's a black bear. If he knocks the tree down and eats you, he's a grizzly. |
Politicians A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer said he had buried them. The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?" The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie." |
| Area 51 It doesn't exist
But KEEP OUT Anyway You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such and such a heading, and sent him on his way. The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!" |
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A rich Japanese man was living in the States.
His eyes were getting bad, so he went to see an eye doctor.
After the examination the doctor said, "Mr. Suzuki, I believe you have two cataracts."
"No," he answered. "I have two Rincoln Continentals."
I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say? |
. Indian Message To The Moon When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate it. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon. Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said, "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land." |
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