KEEP SMILING # 117

issue #117

Hi everyone ,

Keep Smiling is looking for clowns! Yes that's right I want clown pictures! If you are a professional clown and have pictures that you would like to submit please send them to :

othrrggrs@aol.com

Also I am looking for the real Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus! If you are the real Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus prove it by sending your pictures to:

othrrggrs@aol.com

Also if you create graphics I would like for you to submit clown/circus ect graphics and your homemade christmas graphics.... please include a note saying that you created the graphics and it is OK for Keep Smiling to use them.

Keep Smiling is a collection of the jokes, stories,graphics,links, and your homepages which are submitted by you, the readers. The content of Keep Smiling is suitable for all ages and is meant for the enjoyment everyone.You may pass the link to this newsletter on to your friends or you may include the link in your own e-zine or newsletter. If you have jokes or anything that you would like to submit to KEEP SMILING please send them to: othrrggrs@aol.com

It's been so hot ......

~ The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.

Passing Time

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a country fellow, who seems to be quite stupid.

To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy. So he says 'I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong, you have to pay me one dollar, and then you ask me a question, and if I get it wrong, since you're so stupid, I'll pay you ten dollars!'

The guy agrees and so they keep asking questions, and of course, the scientist always gets the question right, and the peasant gets it wrong, they play for 3 rounds, and then its the stupid person's turn.

He asks, 'What has three legs, takes ten hours to climb up a palm tree, and ten seconds to get down?'

The scientist is confused and spends 3 days contemplating on the question. Finally, the train ride is coming to the end of the trip. The scientist takes out ten dollars and gives it to the guy.

He says ' I don't know, what has 3 legs, takes ten hours to get up a palm tree and ten seconds to get down'?

The peasant takes the ten dollars and puts it into his pocket.

He then takes out one dollar and hands it to the scientist, and shrugs, 'I don't know'

Arrange the Toothpicks

How do we know the amount of calories in food?

If you're dieting, you can tell by just by looking that cheesecake is "bad" and broccoli is "good" (keep saying it and maybe you'll believe it). Nevertheless you still have to "count" calories. But how are calories in food actually counted?

A calorie is a unit of energy in the form of heat.

Specifically, it's the amount of heat that it takes to raise a kilogram of water one degree Celsius. In an instrument called a "bomb calorimeter", the food is burned in a chamber surrounded by water.

After the food is incinerated, the temperature of the water is measured. The amount that the water is warmed determines the number of calories in the food (and how many laps it will take to jog it off).

(Source: MORE HOW DO THEY DO THAT? By Caroline Sutton) http://www.MailBits.com/Sources/Trivia-05.htm

hehehe... this guy is good!!

Full screen dancer

Hugh McNasty & The Monkery

Two members of a small monastery decided to open a florist shop to help raise money for their good works. The idea of buying beautiful flowers from gentle friars appealed to a lot of people in the town, and soon they were flocking to the shop.

Meanwhile, the florist across town saw his business virtually disappear when all his customers began buying flowers from the monks. He thought the monks had an unfair advantage, so he visited them and asked them to return to the monastery and leave business to businessmen. They politely declined.

So he visited the monastery and asked the Abbot to convince the monks to abandon the business. He declined as well.

Next the florist sent his mother, his parish priest and his children to visit the monks, asking them to cease their business so the original florist could make a living. It didn't work.

Finally, in desperation, the florist hired the town thug, Hughson McNasty, to use personal persuasion. Hugh McNasty showed up one night with a cudgel, shattered the windows of the monk's shop, tossed their flowers out into the street, and gave the monk's black eyes, promising them he'd be back unless they closed their business.

Terrified, the monks shut their store and returned to the monastery.

Proving, of course...

Hugh and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Chatting at the Pearly Gates

There were three men standing at the Pearly Gates of Heaven where Saint Peter met them and asked, "what would each of you like to hear your relatives or friends say at your funeral?"

The first man answered, "I am a renowned doctor and I would love to hear someone say how I had been instrumental in saving someone's life and gave them a second chance."

The second man replied, "I am a family man and a school teacher, I would like to hear some say what a great husband and father I was and that I had been made a difference in some young persons life."

The third man replied, "Wow guys, those are really great things but I guess if I had my choice I would rather hear someone say,

"LOOK!!!

HE'S MOVING!!!"

Janie's Home

Partnerships

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."

The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."

"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"

"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

Milky Way Cake

6 regular size Milky Way bars ( cut up)

1 Cup of Butter ( cut up) not margarine

Combine butter & candy bars in a sauce pan & melt on low heat ( Do Not

Let Cool ) You will need to stir to blend to creamy.

Batter Mix

1/2 Cup Butter

2 Cup Sugar

4 Eggs ( room temp.)

2 1/2 Cup Sifted Flour

1 tsp. Vanilla

1/2 tsp. Baking Soda

1 1/4 Cup Buttermilk or Sour Milk

( I use 1 Can Carnation Milk & 1/4 Cup of water

minus 1tsp of the water & add 1 tsp. of vinegar,

it gives a better taste.)

1. Cream butter & sugar until very smooth and fluffy. 2. Add eggs

one at a time, beating well after each addition. 3. Add flour &

baking soda alternately with the sour milk. Stirring until smooth.

4. Add the melted warm candy mixture, mixing well. 5. Stir in the

vanilla 6. Pour into a Bunt Pan or a 10 " tube pan, that has been

greased and floured. 7. Bake at 350 for 1 hour & 20 minutes. Check

after 1 hour ( with cake tester for doneness) Some ovens cook faster

then others. 8. When done, remove from oven & let cool on a rack.

9. When cooled, remove from pan. you can dust with powered sugar or

drizzle with icing if you like. We don't, as it is a sweet and

delicious cake. Enjoy!

Genie

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah.

This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?

Tech Hangman

Lunch At McDonald's