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Hi everyone ,
Keep Smiling is a collection of the jokes, stories,graphics,links, and your homepages which are submitted by you, the readers.
The content of Keep Smiling is suitable for all ages and is meant for the enjoyment everyone.
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Here is a game to pass some time
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.Old people are Funny
Approaching eighty-five years of age, Mrs. Lipkowitz finally decided it was time to give up her apartment in New York and move to Miami. She was given the name of a Florida realtor, who enthusiastically drove her all over Miami, extolling the virtues of every apartment they looked at.
"And this one, what a steal," he rhapsodized, "the investment of a lifetime. Why, in ten years it's gonna be worth three times..."
"Sonny," interrupted Mrs. Lipkowitz, "at my age I don't even buy green bananas."
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"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo
is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." --Joe Weinstein
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When the PC says, "Insert diskette #2," don't do it immediately. Remove disk #1 first, even if you're sure you can make them both fit in there.
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Taking a Bath
When you leave a bath to run by itself, the plug jumps just as
you leave the bathroom and you return to an empty bath just as the hot water
runs out.
Spiders can run round the bath faster than you can.
If you run a bath too hot you don't realize this until you sit
in the other end and burn your rear end.
It is physically impossible to turn a tap on or off with your
foot.
When you lie back in the bath, your right foot slips forward
until it is positioned exactly beneath the dripping tap.
The odd flannel you are using to wash yourself is not a flannel
at all; it is a sock which has fallen from above.
The dirt you wash off yourself gathers on the surface of the
water and then re-attaches itself to you as you rise to leave.
Lost soap is ALWAYS behind you.
When you get out of the bath, the first bit you dry is the one
bit you just realized you forgot to wash.
However hard you dry yourself, you are still wet when you put
your clothes on.
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Download Planet: Freeware : Games
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The old man was a witness
The defense lawyer asks Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?"
"Yes," said Sam , "I saw him plainly take the goods."
The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?"
"Yes" says Sam, "I saw him do it."
Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eye sight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?"
Sam says, "I can see the moon, how far is that?"
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My Brother
There are these two guys driving a car.
When the guy driving blows right through the red light.
"Man, you just ran that red light!", the passenger said. "Don't worry, my brother does it all the time," said the driver. Well, they continue to drive when the guy went flying through another stop light.
"You ran ANOTHER stop light. You are going to get us killed!!!" exclaimed the passenger.
"Don't worry, my brother does it all the time, the driver said.
After a while they came to a green light when the guy stopped.
"why are you stopping?" the driver turned around and said, "Because my brother might be coming!"
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The Devil's Visit
Sunday morning services were going very smoothly when suddenly a flash of light and smoke appeared in front of the pulpit followed by a large "BOOM". When the smoke cleared, the astonished congregation saw a red figure complete with horns, pitchfork and tail.
Immediately, panic set in. People crowded through the doors, trampling each other in their rush to get away. Satan watched the retreat with great glee, but his mood was disturbed by the sight of one man still lounging comfortably in his pew.
"Do you not know who I am?", Satan thundered.
The man's reply was nonchalant, "Sure I do."
Satan was puzzled. "Do you not fear me?"
"Nope."
"Why not?"
The man snorted, "What for? I've been married to your sister for 35 years!"
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Dinner?
A minister was asked to dinner by one of his church members. He knew she was a bad housekeeper but agreed. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Were these dishes ever washed?" He asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them." He felt a bit uncomfortable, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water!"
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Try this Game
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What did Noah say as he was loading the Ark?
"Now I herd everything"
Why did the people on the ark think the horses were pessimistic?
They kept saying neigh
What animal could Noah not trust?
The cheetah
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?
Flood lights
Who introduced salted meat to the Navy?
Noah--he took Ham with him on the ark
What did God say when Noah told him he wanted to build the ark out of bricks?
"No, Noah -- go for wood"
Why couldn't they play cards on the ark?
Noah was sitting on the deck
Who was the first canning factory run by?
Noah-he had a boat full of preserved pairs
Was Noah the first one out of the Ark?
No, he came fourth out of the ark
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