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Hi everyone ,
I have decided to go back to the old format as there seems to be some people having troubles with the frames and KEEP SMILING wants to be available to all that want a little good clean humor that can be share with all .
I have asked you several times in the past to send me the things you think ar funny ... the games and the stories and the jokes and graphics. Please send these to othrrggrs@aol.com
I am interested in your personal home page... please send me the address to your home pages and a graphic that you use on this page that you would want me to use to present your page in the newsletter. I would like for you to add the link to the Keep Smiling Home Page http://www.keepsmiling.com
I have been experimenting with different things trying to find out what you really want from Keep Smiling and it is your imput that tells me what you want ... along with the type of jokes and stories and cartoons that you send me, so please keep the e-mail coming!
Another thing that we need is more people to sign up for the newsletter reminder so please ask your friends to sign up for the KEEP SMILING Newsletter.
Hey everyone get your friends to sign up for the free Keep Smiling Newsletter it is easier than ever now to sign up. Just tell your friends that after they sign up they will receive a confirmation letter that they must reply to ... Send this link to your friends!
Keep Smiling Newsletter Reminder Service
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"Money will buy you a pretty good dog,
but it won't buy the wag of his tail."
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| Thought I'd let my doctor check me
Cause I didn't feel quite right. . . All those aches and pains annoyed me And I couldn't sleep at night. He could find no real disorder But he wouldn't let it rest What with Medicare and Blue Cross, We would do a couple tests. To the hospital he sent me Though I didn't feel that bad, He arranged for them to give me Every test that could be had. I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped, My aging frame displayed Stripped, on an ice cold table, While my gizzards were x-rayed. I was checked for worms and parasites, For fungus and the crud, While they pierced me with long needles Taking samples of my blood. Doctors came to check me over, Probed and pushed and poked around, And to make sure I was living They then wired me for sound. They have finally concluded (Their results have filled a page) What I have will someday kill me; My affliction is OLD AGE. |
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Kitty's Korner
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The Disaster
"Oh, No!" I gasped as I surveyed the disaster before me. Never in my 40 years of life had I seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived I did not know. I could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction I would find my 10-year-old daughter.
Only the slim hope of finding Brandi kept me from turning and fleeing the scene. I took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across my path. I moved ahead slowly.
"Brandi ! Brandi !" I whispered to myself. I tripped and almost fell several times. I heard someone, or something, move. At least I thought I did.
Perhaps, I was just hoping I did. I shook my head and felt my gut tighten. I couldn't understand how this could have happened.
There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against my hand. I jerked it away. In desperation, I took another step then cried out, " BRANDI !"
From a nearby pile of unidentified material, I heard my daughter."Yes, Dad," she said, in a voice so weak I could hardly hear her.
"It's time to get up and get ready for school," I sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean up this room."
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If you want your refrigerator's ice maker to work, you need to hook it to a water source. Air doesn't make good ice unless it is mixed withwater.
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Did you know there's a free service whereby you can forward a hoax or chain letter you've received to a special address and every sender whose email account is listed on the message will be automatically notified that it's garbage?
True! The service is called Hoaxkill, and it's just one of several handy resources listed in this week's hoax-defying feature:
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If you go to the computer store to buy a mousepad,
you don't have to specify whether it's for a Windows or a Macintosh.
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BBBBBRRRRRRRR!!!!!! That's
cold
There were these three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo.
They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said, "Watch this!" and threw a cup of water into the air.
Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor.
"Not bad" said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still.
So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!" and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor. "Wow, that's colder than mine," said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still.
So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo.
He said, "Watch this," and
went into the bedroom, threw back the thick furs, and retrieved one of several
small balls of ice there. He took it, put it in a spoon, and held a match
under it. When it heated up enough, it went
"FFFAAAARRRRTTT". He won.
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CARJACKING FOILED
When an elderly lady had finished her grocery shopping and was returning to her car, she found four males in it. She dropped her shopping bags, drew her handgun, and proceeded to scream at them at the top of her lungs that she knew how to use the gun and that she would if required. "So get out of the car, NOW!" she yelled.
The four men didn't wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the old lady loaded her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. Small problem: her key wouldn't fit into the ignition. Her identical car was parked four or five spaces further down. She reloaded her bags into her own car and drove to the nearest police station.
The sergeant to whom she told her story nearly tore himself in two laughing and pointed to the far end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car-jacking by a mad, elderly white woman. No charges were filed.
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Sometimes you're the Windshield . . .
sometimes you're the Bug.
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KEEP SMILING
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He`s going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says: ? I`ve heard just about enough of your blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype womethat way? What does a person`s physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It`s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person ... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large ... all in the name of humor.
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this. Mister, I`m talking to that little guy on your knee!"
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Buying Furniture
Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Pete says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it."
The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment. Then you don't make another payment for six months."
Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and says, "Who told you about us?"
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| So here I sit, in all my glory...
Lend me an ear, and I'll tell ya a story... Once had a wife--she was such a dear, Then came AOL, and it all disappeared! Now there she sits , for hours on end... don't care where I'm goin', don't care where I've been. It could be two, or it could be nine... she really doesn't care, long as she's online.
She gets outta work and rushes home, She comes in screaming at me, "Get off the phone!" Where the hell's my hug? Where is my kiss? But she's at the computer--that's all she missed! Talking to buddies, checking the mail All her priorities--I'm in cyber Hell!! My stomach's growling--it's so unfair! No clean dishes and I'm out of underwear! |
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BEAR WARNING
The Forest Service has issued a BEAR WARNING in the national forests for this summer.
They're urging everyone to protect themselves by wearing bells and carrying pepper spray.
Campers should be alert for signs of fresh bear activity, and they should be able to tell the difference between Black Bear dung and Grizzy Bear dung.
Black Bear dung is rather small and round. Sometimes you can see fruit seeds and/or squirrel fur in it.
Grizzly Bear dung has bells in it, and smells like pepper spray!
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THE BUS TOUR
A blonde, a red head and a brunette sign up with a tourist group and chartered a double-decker bus to go to London. There are only 2 seats left on the bottom of the bus and only 1 seat in the top of the bus available when they board. They decided to take turns riding in the top and flipped a coin to see who got the first turn. The blonde won the toss.
A couple of hours later it's the red heads turn so she walks up the stairs, and sees the blonde sitting there scared half to death. She's clutching the seat in front of her so hard that her knuckles are white.
"What's goin' on?" the red head asks. "We're havin' a grand old time down below."
The blonde replies, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
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