ISSUE # `107
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Letter from the editor:
As many of you have noticed Keep Smiling is setting up a mail list to keep you informed of changes to the KEEP SMILING Website. I am starting this mail list from the pre-exisiting mail list that was used by othrrggrs@aol.com to send you the Keep Smiling Newsletter before he was hit by the Rate Limits that was imposed by America Online on it's UNLIMITED SERVICE.(looks like an oxymoron to me) (kind of like paying 21.95per month for services that you are not allowed to use)..If you are interested in how to create your own free internet services please refer to KEEP SMILING ...."The RETURN" Please check the KEEP SMILING DIRECTORY often for changes.
You can invite your friends to become members of KEEP SMILING
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Mona, baby! What have they DONE to you???
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What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help... after it tears your throat out.
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Don'tcha Just Hate It When ...
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My Cup Has Overflowed
| I've never made a fortune
And it's probably too late now, But I don't worry about that much, I'm happy anyhow. s I go along life's journey I'm reaping better than I sowed, I'm drinking from my saucer Cause my cup has overflowed.
Ain't got a lot of riches, Sometimes the going gets rough But I got a family that loves me That makes me rich enough. I just thank God for his blessings And the mercy he has bestowed, I'm drinking from a saucer Cause my cup has overflowed.
And I remember times when things went wrong And my faith ran a little thin, But then all at once the dark clouds broke And the old sun broke through again. So Lord help me not to gripe About the tough rows I have hoed. I'm drinking from my saucer Cause my cup has overflowed.
And if God gives me the strength and courage When the way gets steep and rough, I won't ask for other blessings, I'm already blessed enough. And may I never be too busy To help another bear his load. Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer Cause my cup has overflowed. |
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Where Did That Come From ?
1) In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. That's where the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight" came from.
2) Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle," is the phrase inspired by this practice.
3) The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
4) When possums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing". They actually pass out from sheer terror.
5)The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
6)The term "the whole 9 yards" came from W.W.II fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."
7) The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
8) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
9) The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.
10) The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
11) Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
12) In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's."
13) The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver."
14) Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
15) In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.
16) It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.
17) Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
18) There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's Big Mac bun.
19) The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.
20) The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
21) When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year.
22) Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.
23) On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
24) In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined.
25) It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the "honey month" or what we know today as the "honeymoon."
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Dad Can I Use The Car ?
| A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father,
who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father
took him to his study and said to him,
"I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."
To which his father replied, "Yes, and they walked every where they went!" |
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What Did You Do During Recess ?
The kindergarten teacher calls all of the little kids back in from recess. As they get seated back in the classroom, the teacher asks Susie to come to the front of the class.
"Susie," she says,"what did you do during recess?" "I played in the sandbox," says Susie.
"That sounds like fun," says the teacher. "I'll tell you what. If you can spell 'sand' up here on the board, I'll give you a cookie."
So Susie picks up the chalk and writes s-a-n-d. "Very good," says the teacher, and she gives Susie a cookie.
The teacher then says,"Bobby, come up here and tell the class what you did during recess today."
So, Bobby steps up in front of the class and says, "I played in the sandbox with Susie."
"OK. If you can spell 'box' on the board, I'll give you a cookie, too," says the teacher.
So, Bobby writes b-o-x on the board. "That's correct," the teacher says, and she gives Bobby a cookie.
"Now, Juhammad, could you come up here and tell us what you did during recess today?"
"Well," says Juhammad,"I wanted to play in the sandbox with Susie and Bobby, but they said I was too different and that they wouldn't let me play with them."
The teacher turns to Bobby and Susie and says, "That was not very nice at all. That is blatant racial discrimination." Smiling, she turns back to Juhammad and says, "Now, if you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' on the board, I'll give you a cookie."
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THE PARROT
A woman goes into a store and buys a beautiful green and blue parrot. But the only words the parrot knows how to say are: "Who is it?"
She takes the parrot home, but soon realizes that the bird's color clashes with the living room. So she calls an Interior designer, who says he will come by shortly.
When the Decorator comes, the woman is out shopping. He knocks on the door, and the parrot says "who is it?"
The man says, "It's the decorator."
The parrot says "who is it?"
The man says "It’s the decorator."
The parrot says "Who is it?"
The man says "It's the decorator!!!"
The parrot says "who is it?"
The man screams "The decorator!"
The decorator gets so mad, that he pops a blood vessel, and dies on the spot.
The lady comes home and finds a dead man lying on her front porch. She says, "Oh my gosh...who is it?"
The parrot replies, "It's the decorator!"
| Last Chance to order this cup!
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Ok dad .....
drop the keys to the new car in the cup for |
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