 |
April 4, 1999
ISSUE # 102 |
| KEEP SMILING HOME PAGE | KEEP SMILING DIRECTORY | FREE NEWSLETTER |
|
April 4, 1999
ISSUE # 102 |
| KEEP SMILING HOME PAGE | KEEP SMILING DIRECTORY | FREE NEWSLETTER |
.
.
.
BLONDES AT THE PEARLY GATES
Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..."
"Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?"
The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?"
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.
"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.
The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."
How would you like to win a years worth of groceries?
Click here and signup to get great grocery coupons, and
get a chance to win 1 year of free groceries!
.
.
What does your Dad
do?
Two small boys were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind," replied Tommy.
.
.
.
 |
Remember it is time to check
Value Page
and while you are doing it check Cool Savings |
.
.
.
.
Horseback Ride
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse
immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic
pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a frim
grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides
down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she
leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at
the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the
ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is
mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, the
Wal-Mart manager sees her and shuts the horse off.
.
.
Great Beef recipes and cooking tips
.
.
You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling,
and you didn't do anything the night before.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Oops
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
.
.
.
"I used to live in the country and I never had to worry about gangs. When I moved to Houston, there were gangs everywhere.
If you wore blue you got beat up by a gang...if you wore red...another gang beat you up. I was trying to be slick wearing plaid... Man! Two Golfers Beat The Heck Out Of Me!"
.
.
.
.
A newsletter with poems, short stories, articles from different papers, original articles, commentary, editorials, chat room poles and more.
Something for all ages. started as a teen newsletter, and rapidly changing to an all ages newsletter. To subscribe click on the link above and just say "sign me up"
-Jillian :)
Keep Smiling
.
.
.
.
Gone Fishing
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses." "We don't have any." replied the first blonde. "Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river." The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
"Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left. As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"
.
.
The Scary Multiplying Bunny Webpage
.
.
Lottery Fever
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"
.
.
.
.
"Things aren't always what they seem."
Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room.
Instead the angels were given a space in the cold basement.
As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it.
When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied...
"Things aren't always what they seem."
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife.
After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears.
Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.
The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "How could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused.
"The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their cow die."
"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied.
"When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall.
Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead.
"Things aren't always what they seem."
.
 |
I really like receiving Jokes and graphics and the fun
things you send to me.
Remember that you can send e-mail to othrrggrs@aol.com please use KEEP SMILING in the subject line Or just click on the picture. |
